


Trying New Things

by tiigi



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Age Difference, Dom/sub Undertones, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, High School Student Dan, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mild Angst, Misunderstandings, Neighbours, Slow Burn, University Student Phil, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-09-26
Packaged: 2020-05-18 15:22:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19337248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiigi/pseuds/tiigi
Summary: The first thing to catch Dan’s interest is what he’s wearing, of course: a pair of weather inappropriate jeans and a red jacket, a pair of thick framed glasses balanced on his nose. He’s tall but not in the gangly, awkward way Dan is tall; not in the way that would suggest he hasn’t quite grown into his body. Dan’s new neighbour is confidently tall, like he has muscle hiding under that restrictive outfit.***In which Dan has a not-so-subtle crush on his new neighbour.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing RPF in years so hopefully it doesn’t suck :)

Dan’s summer has only just started by the time Phil moves in. He’s been off school for a few weeks now and he’s going to be off for a few more, but already he’s picked up such a nasty case of cabin fever that he’s considering knocking his head against his bedroom wall for entertainment. He’s just so  _ bored, _  cooped up in the house every day because he doesn’t have a car and his parents have to work, so he’s alone for a solid ten hours.

 

Okay, more like five if you take into account when he wakes up, but that’s beside the point.

 

He watches every season of every Netflix show he can find, reads every book on his shelf cover to cover and even starts trying to learn to cook. Despite all this, he can’t find anything to keep him occupied for more than a few hours and he never thought he’d be fantasising about actually going to school, but here he is.

 

And then– Phil moves in next door.

 

Dan knows the house has been empty for a while now; their elderly neighbour whose name Dan has never been able to remember moved out a couple of months ago after almost setting fire to the kitchen, and her daughter thought she’d be safer elsewhere. The house has sat empty and inviting ever since, the window to the master bedroom correlating with Dan’s bedroom window so he can gaze out every night to see his own reflection in the glass, and the empty room opposite.

 

Even so, it comes as a surprise to him when he sees the moving van pulling up into the driveway, closely followed by the smallest, shabbiest car Dan thinks he’s ever seen, and that is counting some of his fellow classmates’ first cars.

 

Something Dan’s summer has definitely been lacking so far is surprises, so this event shoots right up to the top of the list for most interesting things happening.

 

He watches, curled up on his windowsill with his forehead pressed against the cool glass. It’s not that hot - but then this is England, even in summer it never is - but he’s unnecessarily covered up in a hoodie and some skin tight jeans, and his room is a little stuffy. So he hasn’t gone outside for a few days - weeks - sue him.

 

The moving van parks eventually after narrowly missing a collision with a few plant pots on the driveway, and then the door to the other car is opening and a man steps out. The first thing to catch Dan’s interest is what he’s wearing, of course: a pair of weather inappropriate jeans and a red jacket, a pair of thick framed glasses balanced on his nose. He’s tall but not in the gangly, awkward way Dan is tall— not in the way that would suggest he hasn’t quite grown into his body. Dan’s new neighbour is confidently tall, like he has muscle hiding under that restrictive outfit.

 

That’s how Dan knows he's older. Dan is no prepubescent tweenager anymore and he likes to think that he’s grown into himself a bit more these last few years. He hasn’t quite ditched the emo haircut yet - he’s going to cling onto that for as long as possible - but at least he doesn’t look like a wannabe Australian surfer anymore. That’s got to count as progress.

 

But this new neighbour of his doesn’t look like any other seventeen year old Dan knows at school. He moves confidently, fluidly, and he manages to make locking his shitty, beaten up car look like a James Bond move. Dan falls a little bit in love with him straight away.

 

And that’s something else that happened to him over the course of this summer. Not entirely, of course, because it’s been building up for years now and to pin it all on this particular summer would be unfair, but Dan’s ‘gay awakening’ is slowly beginning to awaken. Other than a few poorly timed kisses with a few poorly guided girls Dan is having a hard time kickstarting his sexual awakening, much less his homosexual awakening.

 

So of course, his first thought when he sees an attractive older guy moving in next door is:  _ oh _ .  _ Interesting _ .

 

He watches the guy for a little longer, a small smile playing at the corner of his lips as he struggles with carrying mismatched furniture into the house, before deciding he should stop being creepy. He really isn’t going to pull a Rear Window on his neighbour and go so batshit crazy being inside all day that he resorts to army crawling up to the windows with binoculars.

 

He’s  _ not _ .

 

He goes downstairs to make lunch. It’s almost three in the afternoon, but he woke up late and skipped breakfast and he’s hungry. If it’ll take a peanut butter and jam sandwich to make him feel human again, then he’s not going to deny himself small pleasures. Thankfully they still have bread in the cupboard and jam in the fridge, so Dan finds a couple of knives and scoops out the peanut butter first. 

 

In the middle of his complicated sandwich making procedure he hears the car from next door start up again, the engine spluttering a few times before smoothing into something more reliable and quieting as it gets further away. He almost goes to peer out the window, but he doesn’t want to resort to stalking so he stays firmly where he is and licks the knife clean.

 

It’s only later, when he’s wrist deep in foamy washing up water, that he hears a knock on the door. He frowns, pausing immediately; his parents aren’t due to be home for another couple of hours and it isn’t like he gets many friends knocking on his door unexpectedly. Unthinkingly, Dan traipses to the front door and unlocks the latch without really noticing how wet his hands still are or, indeed, the butter knife still clenched in his fist. 

 

His new neighbour is at the door, of course. If Dan had been in his right mind he could have predicted that, because the best things always seem to happen to him at the worst moments and it’s only typical that the hot guy from earlier should choose now - when Dan is covered in soap suds and his hair is flopping over his forehead messily - to pay him a visit. He isn’t even wearing his good jeans for God’s sake, just an old pair with a decidedly un-artful tear from mid thigh to his knee, and he’s so swamped in his hoodie that he’s had to push the sleeves up to his elbows. He’s a mess.

 

And it’s only now, close up, that he realises how good looking his new neighbour is. The black hair that Dan could see from the window is artfully styled into a quiff and his eyes are a strange mixture of green and blue that Dan has never known the word for. Dan is looking at one of the hottest people he’s ever seen looking like a teenager in a black bin bag, and yep, now he’s  _ definitely _ staring.

 

“Oh,” the man says, taking one look at Dan’s blank face and the knife clutched in his hand. “I come in peace!” He grins a little lopsidedly and throws his hands up in mock surrender, and it’s the cutest fucking thing Dan has ever seen.

 

“Um,” Dan says, very articulately. 

 

“I’m Phil,” the man sticks his hand out suddenly, startling Dan with the energy of it so that he flinches back on instinct: an instinct garnered from years of routine bullying in school no doubt. Phil notices and drops his hand straight away. Dan doesn’t want the smile on his face to fade to guilt, so he forces himself to reply.

 

“I’m Dan.” He responds dumbly, chucking the knife over his shoulder in what is probably the least subtle move he could have made. “Nice to meet you.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Dan.” Phil is back to beaming at him again, and shit, Dan’s name on Phil’s tongue is surprisingly exciting. It sends a shiver down his spine.

 

Dan, being the ever awkward human that he always is, just nods and tries to tame his smile lest he looks like a psychopath and freaks Phil out more than he must be already. Then he proceeds to stand in the doorway in silence, just staring at Phil’s perfect face.

 

“Oh, um,” Phil seems to remember he’s there for a reason, and Dan really hopes his cheeks aren’t too red. “I was– okay, I know this is probably a long shot, but I was wondering if you might have a spare key to my house?”

 

Dan’s lips part a little as he furrows his eyebrows in confusion and tries - and fails - not to say the first thing that comes into his head.

 

“Didn’t you just move in?” He asks, perplexed. Phil laughs a little and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly; Dan hopes he hasn’t made Phil feel uncomfortable. He does that a lot, he’s discovered.

 

“I kind of,” Phil starts, wincing. “Locked my house keys in my car. Which would be fine if my car keys weren’t also in there with them. And I have a spare set of car keys but they’re sort of in the house, which is locked. I’m really kind of terrible at… life, and I figured since you’re my neighbour now maybe you’d have a spare set of house keys?”

 

Dan blinks in the face of all this new information. So Phil - beautiful, friendly, smiley Phil - is a dork. Noted. Also, there’s a vague memory in the back of his head telling him they totally do have a spare set of house keys for next door. The daughter of the elderly lady gave them to his parents a few years before the fire incident, a few hours after the bathtub incident.

 

“Actually, yeah.” Dan says, trying not to grin when he sees Phil’s face light up with relief. This also feels like a corny excuse to invite Phil in, like the beginning to a porno or something, but he doesn’t just want to leave the guy standing on his doorstep like a creeper. “You wanna come in? I’ll go find them for you.”

 

Phil nods and steps inside, moving out of the way so that Dan can close the door behind him. He can feel Phil’s body heat against his arm when he brushes past and hopes his shiver isn’t too obvious. He’s alone in a house with his hot new older neighbour, and Phil seems to become aware of that a second later than Dan does, although probably not in the same context.

 

“So,” He says casually, following Dan through to the kitchen and taking everything in. “Do you live on your own?”

 

“With my parents,” Dan answers reluctantly, not wanting to ruin Phil’s view of him as an independent, possibly sexy young adult. “They’re at work right now.”

 

“Oh!” Phil sounds surprised when he responds, and Dan wonders if the man really didn’t know he wasn’t the same age as him. “So you’re… how old are you exactly? You don’t have to tell me, of course! Sorry, I’m being awkward again.” He gives a light, self deprecating chuckle and of course it only makes him even more endearing to Dan.

 

“Seventeen.” Dan answers distractedly, rifling through their key bowl to find the spare keychain for next door. 

 

“Oh,” Phil repeats, quieter this time. “Cool. In the name of equal sharing, I’m twenty two.”

 

Dan can’t help but shoot him an amused look, eyebrows raised and lips quirking up on one side. Phil grins at him again, a blinding smile that Dan may never get used to.

 

“Cool,” He says playfully. 

 

“I just finished my second year at uni.” Phil volunteers, sitting down at the kitchen table and looking perfectly at home there. Dan likes how he looks: natural in Dan’s home, not out of place at all. He’s also grateful that Phil is starting a conversation, because he’s far too awkward to do that himself.

 

“What are you studying?” He manages to sound normal when he replies.

 

“English Language.” Phil smiles. “How about you? You must be… what, doing your A Levels, right? What are  _ you _ studying?”

 

“English Lit, drama and - aha, yes! - law. Here you go.” Dan slides the single key over the table to Phil, who takes it with a relieved sigh.

 

“Ah, an intellectual.” He jokes. At least, Dan thinks he’s joking. If he isn’t then he’s seriously misjudged Dan on first sight.

 

“Fuck off,” Dan laughs, and for some reason it doesn’t feel inappropriate to swear st this guy he’s just met. Phil snorts and stands up, circling back around the table to head towards the door once again. Dan, so caught up in following him that he barely notices when Phil stops, almost bumps into the back of him.

 

“Well,” Phil tilts his head, like he’s considering something. “Thank you so much for this. I’ll get it back to you as soon as possible.” Dan is about to assure him that isn’t necessary, but then he realises this will give him another excuse to see Phil so he keeps quiet and simply shrugs.

 

“It was nice to meet you, Dan.” Phil reaches out and places a hand on Dan’s shoulder. That’s all it is - literally just a hand, no other contact whatsoever - but Dan can feel goosebumps pop up down his arm nonetheless. Sometimes he hates his traitorous, virgin body.

 

“Yeah,” he replies, his voice breaking. He coughs awkwardly, cringing inwardly the whole time, and wonders just how red his face is right now. “You too.”

 

Phil nods and opens the door, slipping out and shutting it behind him. Dan very deliberately doesn’t watch him retreat back to his own house through the living room window, but it’s a tough call.

 

If he hadn’t already had his sexuality crisis, Dan thinks to himself, Phil would have just given it to him.


	2. Chapter 2

Things quieten down for a few days. Dan stays inside his room for almost forty eight hours straight, only coming out for food or to shower. His parents come and go from work at odd intervals and he never seems to see both of them at the same time, but that’s okay because he’ll be doing more than enough of that by the time term starts again.

 

He’s bored, but not in the same way as before. Before, he was going through each day without much sense of time: he’d look at his clock and think _oh, is it that time already?_ Now, he’s bored because he feels constantly like he’s waiting for something to happen. Things don’t happen in his neighbourhood, but then Phil happened, and Phil said he’d come back and so far he hasn’t.

 

So Dan feels like he’s waiting.

 

He paces around his house, stuck in a permanent state of bored or zombie-like, bleary eyed and too tired to do anything. When he finally gets a knock on the door, three days after Phil first came round, he’s still curled up in bed asleep. He only actually hears it because Phil knocks a second time, loud enough to wake Dan up, and he jerks upright, heart pounding.

 

He almost trips on his way down the stairs, moving far too fast in case Phil thinks he isn’t in and leaves. He knows it will be Phil standing on his doorstep somehow, knows that he’ll open the door to see his new neighbour smiling at him. Granted, it isn’t the best idea to try and get down the stairs two at a time with a duvet wrapped around your shoulders, tripping you up, but Dan manages to do it without breaking his neck.

 

“Hello?” He blurts out, curling the blanket around his body a little more and running a hand through his hair. Sure enough, Phil grins at him and holds a hand up in an awkward wave. Suddenly feeling far too exposed, Dan tugs his sleeves down over his hands and tries not to hide behind his door. Phil probably already thinks he’s weird enough.

 

“Dan!” Phil greets him, leaning on his shoulder against the doorway. With his arms crossed over his chest and random, illegible words scribbled on his forearms, he somehow manages to be the most mature looking overgrown child Dan has ever seen. That’s far too confusing for him to try and decipher, so he shrugs it off.

 

“Phil,” He says, breaking into a yawn mid-sentence. “Hi.”

 

“Sorry, did I wake you up?” Phil asks, sounding amused. Dan guesses he does make kind of a ridiculous picture, and it is midafternoon. “I can come back later?”

 

“Are you kidding?” Dan replies jokingly. His brain is still half asleep so he’s lost all ability to filter himself, and the words come out before he can check himself. “I was relying on you to be my alarm clock.”

 

His cheeks flush as soon as he’s spoken, and he instantly regrets the approach easy humour he might use with his parents. Talking like that with people who are essentially strangers is impolite, his parents have told him over the years, even if he did actually wield a knife at this particular stranger the first time they met.

 

But Phil doesn’t frown at him or give him an uncomfortable smile in response. Instead he just snickers and nods his head as though Dan just made a perfectly valid point.

 

“Ah, of course.” He nods, clicking his fingers sarcastically. “Didn’t mean to keep you waiting. I would have come round sooner, but things have been hectic with moving in and all. I didn’t have much time, but here you go.”

 

Dan looks down to see Phil holding the spare key out to him, waiting for him to take it, and he coughs to cover how stupid he feels. Now, instead of sounding cool and mature, he just sounds needy and pathetic, like he’s been waiting by the door for Phil to return a _key._ He can’t even tell if Phil is being serious or not: not with the way his lips quirk up at the corners.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” Dan offers, stuffing the key in his pocket and resolving to return it to the pot later. He doubts his parents will notice it's missing; in fact they haven’t even seemed to notice that someone has moved in opposite them at all. “I wasn’t planning to break into your house any time soon, so there’s no rush.”

 

 _Idiot_.

 

“Well, that’s a relief. Although there isn’t anything worth stealing, really. It’s all in boxes.” Phil shrugs, and Dan seizes the opportunity before he loses confidence to.

 

“I could help, if you want? Unpacking, I mean, if there's still a lot to do.” He wants to sound confident and casual, like he’s just offering a helping hand because he has nothing better to do and he’s a helpful citizen. In reality, Dan thinks he must sound as bored and lonely as he actually is.

 

Phil blinks at him. “Are you sure?” He asks, pushing away from the wall and letting his arms hang at his sides. He looks less certain now, like the playing field has been evened, like Dan’s offer is throwing him off. That sort of gives Dan a sense of power, and he sort of likes that.

 

“Yeah,” he shrugs and let’s the blanket fall to the floor. He's wearing a loose fitting pair of pyjama shorts with blue and white pinstripes and nothing else, and this isn’t really how he planned to take his clothes off in front of somebody for the first time. He knows he isn’t particularly attractive - not conventionally, not unless someone has a fetish for skinny, emo teenagers - but he didn’t realise his body was actually repulsive. Phil blinks and jerks his head to the side instantly, staring very intently at Dan’s doorbell. It isn’t that interesting, just a button with ‘do not use’ sign taped above it, but then Dan’s chest isn’t all that interesting either.

 

“I’ll go get dressed.” Dan suggests, desperately wanting to get back into bed and bury his head under the pillow forever. Phil nods and makes a strange high pitched noise in the back of his throat. “You could, like, wait in the kitchen if you want?”

 

Dan kicks his duvet out of the way of the entrance as Phil nods and steps inside; he reaches around Phil to close the door and his chest brushes against the other man’s bare arms, skin on skin. Dan bites his lip automatically, trying to fight back a shiver and hopes Phil doesn’t notice the unsubtle way he shifts backwards.

 

“Um, I’ll be down in a second.” Dan mumbles, backing up the stairs again and leaving his blanket in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. He doesn’t have many clean clothes because he hadn’t needed them, but now he’s seriously regretting that. He can’t go over to Phil’s house for the first time smelling like a three week old washing basket and faded Lynx body spray. Unfortunately it’s either that or the Thomas The Tank Engine pyjamas that his grandmother keeps buying for him, so he rifled through the piles on his floor until he comes up with something acceptable.

 

It only takes him about two minutes to pat down his hair into its usual spiky shape and shove his legs into some washed-out blue jeans. Then he’s pulling on a plain black shirt - because his white ones show off the many random coffee stains on them - and rushing down the stairs at breakneck speed for the second time this morning.

 

“Okay?” He stops in the kitchen doorway, red faced and out of breath. Phil is stood in front of the fridge, fingers hovering centimetres over an old photo of Dan as a kid, dressed in his primary school uniform. He’s never cursed his parents more: do they _have_ to keep those all over the house?

 

“Okay!” Phil sends him another one of those blinding smiles, the tension from earlier seeming to have dissipated. He takes one more look at the photo and then bounces over to Dan, passing him in the doorway and holding the front door open for Dan to pass through. After he’s locked the door and stuffed the key safely into his pocket, he follows Phil across the road.

 

Phil’s house isn’t much different to Dan’s own house: the interior layout is mostly the same and there isn’t much difference in the size of it. One thing that is different, though, it how Phil’s house is littered with random cardboard boxes. He picks a pathway through the entrance to an empty spot of carpet in the living room and Dan follows in his footsteps, careful not to knock into any stray boxes. They all have badly written notes written on them, things like ‘DVDs’ or ‘CUTLERY’ written in black felt pen along the side.

 

Thankfully the majority of his furniture has already been set up. There are a few bookcases in the living room, the electrical appliances are all functioning in the kitchen and according to Phil the bed frame has already been lugged up the stairs. All they have to do is unpack things and put them in their rightful rooms, and whilst it doesn’t sound like the most scintillating activity Dan could be doing, it also doesn’t sound like the worst. He gets to check out Phil’s stuff - and wow, he sounds like a stalker - _and_ make conversation with Phil. It’s a double win.

 

“So, the DVDs go over there and the books are on the second shelf.” Phil instructs, waving a hand about madly in the direction of the shelf. “They used to be alphabetised but my friend helped me pack them and he didn’t have nearly as much care for them as I did.”

 

“Who even keeps DVDs anymore?” Dan scrunches his nose up, sliding a couple of old movie cases into place side by side. “Haven’t you heard of the Internet? Magical thing, really, it has a whole bunch of films on there.”

 

For some reason it doesn’t feel weird talking to Phil like this, and he’s glad because he’s always wanted a friendship in which teasing and general sarcasm would be allowed. Thankfully Phil doesn’t see, to think there’s anything wrong with it either, because he gasps, mock offended, and hurls a cushion from a big cardboard box full of them at Dan’s head.

 

“How dare you,” he swings his legs over the arm of the sofa and presses a hand to his heart dramatically. “I was using the Internet before you were tying your shoelaces.”

 

“Joke’s on you, I had Velcro shoes.” Dan sticks his tongue out at Phil, and tries to tame his wild grin when his joke makes Phil laugh. It gives him a sense of accomplishment that he definitely couldn’t have gotten from hanging around his own bedroom all day.

 

“So…” Dan says after a few minutes. The room has fallen silent again and, whilst it’s not necessarily uncomfortable, Dan still wants to talk with Phil some more. “If you don’t mind me asking, how can you afford this place? You’re in university: aren’t you guys all supposed to be broke?”

 

Phil snorts and nods his head, arranging and then rearranging the cushions on the sofa. Dan is beginning to think he’s doing all the hard work here. “Pretty much,” Phil answers. “But I got some help from my parents. They’re paying for this place until I finish the course.”

 

Dan hums in reply, not really sure what he can say to that.

 

“How about you?” Phil raises an eyebrow, slipping off the side of the sofa. He sidles up to Dan and crouches down to pass DVDs to him as he works. Their fingers brush a couple of times and Dan tries his best not to swoon. “You’re a teenager. Aren’t you guys supposed to be throwing wild parties and getting drunk all night?”

 

Now it’s Dan’s turn to laugh. “Yeah, right.” He nods, running a hand through his hair. “Because I’m so popular. I get invited to _so_ many parties.”

 

He expects Phil to reply with another joke, or at least laugh at Dan’s heavy sarcasm, but when he looks up from under his fringe he finds Phil watching him with an unreadable expression. It makes him flush self consciously, and when he gets self conscious he tends to talk too much.

 

“Maybe for some people.” He starts, trying to play it off. “I don’t know what school was like for you back in the age of the dinosaurs, but these days we have very separate cliques. I don’t have many friends.”

 

When Dan reaches out to take the next film from Phil’s hand, Phil holds on tight so that Dan finds himself being drawn closer to the other man.

 

“I think the closest I’ve ever got to a party was my drama rehearsal.” Dan admits, like he’s testing Phil with all this new information to see what will make him run away screaming.

 

“I see it.” Phil says after a moment’s pause, tilting his head consideringly and smiling.

 

“See what?” Dan asks, confused.

 

“You as a drama student. It makes sense.”

 

“What do you mean by that?” Dan’s reply is too sharp and too sudden. It’s an automatic response to being bullied in school for so long, to being called a fag or a fairy and have his choice of subject held against him for being too girly. He’s never really taken any of that to heart - because how do they expect men to become actors if they don’t act? - but it would still suck if Phil turned out to be an asshole like them.

 

Phil must pick up on Dan’s sudden change in tone because he looks up quickly, eyes wide and blue and beautiful.

 

“I just meant that I think you’d be good at acting.” He responds softly, guilty. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

“No, it’s okay.” Is Dan’s immediate response. He can’t have Phil going around thinking he’s done anything wrong. “My bad. Just– trigger response, I guess.”

 

Phil doesn’t say anything in reply to that, and Dan inwardly screams at himself. Not only has he managed to make Phil feel guilty but he’s also made it horribly awkward again; so much so that he thinks he’d rather smother himself with one of Phil’s cushions that suffer through another second of it.

 

“You know, my DVD player is broken.” Dan looks up in confusion when Phil speaks. “Since I have no knowledge at all about the Internet or anything else even remotely modern, you think you’d want to come put on a show for me sometime? Seeing as you aren’t busy getting wasted and puking in your parents’ car, that is.”

 

Dan can’t keep the grin off his face. Phil is smiling too, when Dan hurls the cushion back at him.


	3. Chapter 3

One thing worse than knowing you have to go back to school in a couple of weeks is knowing that you have to go back earlier to get your shitty exam results. Dan knows they’re not going to be great because, really, it’s not like he put much effort into passing, but he can’t bear the thought of disappointing his parents.

 

Not that he hasn’t been doing that all his life, mind you, but they’d decided collectively that they’d eat as a family tonight. He doesn’t want to face their silent disappointment if his grades really are as bad as he’s expecting.

 

He’s walking alone, because his parents are at work and his school is close enough to walk to without him needing to get the bus. He can’t drive yet, and he could probably do with the exercise after doing nothing for four weeks.

 

It’s cold out even though it’s mid August and, in typical Dan fashion, he stubbornly chose to leave his jacket at home. There are many things he’s willing to do for fashion, and apparently catching hypothermia is one of them, so he’s wearing a t-shirt and a grey cardigan that may or may not have belonged to his mother. There’s a biting wind ruffling his hair and he keeps patting it back into place. He’s going to get to school looking like a windswept rat, but he isn’t planning to stay there for long.

 

Maybe he’ll take a walk afterwards. Maybe he’ll throw himself off a bridge. Who knows?

 

Then he hears a noise from behind and, after a brief panic that the rumbling engine means he’s about to be kidnapped, he turns to see Phil in his beat up red car. Dan hasn’t seen Phil since the unpacking incident and he’s nervous that he was too familiar with the man. Phil is actually an adult - albeit a bad one - and Dan doesn’t want to be known as that lame kid next door who just wants to mess around. Maybe Phil wants intellectual conversation or wine tasting sessions, and Dan is here pushing for high school banter.

 

Christ.

 

“Hey!” Phil calls, slowing to a stop on the curb and winding his window down to talk to Dan. Dan pauses and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his cardigan, not sure what to do with them otherwise. “You want a lift?”

 

“Haven’t you heard that hitchhiking is dangerous?” Dan grins at Phil despite himself. “I could be a murderer. I could be planning to kill you.”

 

Phil gives him a conspicuous once over, raising an eyebrow doubtfully. He’s smirking when he says, “Yeah, I think I’ll take my chances, teletubby.”

 

Laughter bubbles up in Dan’s chest and he jogs round to the side of the car, sliding into the seat easily and trying to ignore the mental image of Phil wrestling him into submission. He hopes what he’s thinking isn’t too obvious when he buckled himself in and turns to Phil with a reluctantly childish smile.

 

“Where are you headed, then?” Phil asks. He has one arm outstretched, hand resting on the steering wheel, and the other one on the gearstick. His hair is damp like maybe he’s only just stepped out of the shower. Dan wants to run his fingers through it.

 

“School,” Dan volunteers with a sigh. “It’s not far. You don’t have to give me a lift if it’s out of your way.”

 

“What, and risk you getting kidnapped by someone else? Don’t think so. You’re practically my responsibility now.” Phil side-eyes him until Dan shakes his head fondly and rests his forehead against the glass. Phil is silent next to him but Dan can feel the man’s eyes on him; he reaches out to turn the heating on. Dan hopes Phil sees his smile.

 

“What’s happening at school, then?” Phil asks, and it doesn’t feel like he’s just trying to make small talk. He sounds genuinely interested, and no one has ever been genuinely interested in Dan’s life before other than his parents. It’s a wonderful, all consuming feeling.

 

“Ah, results day.” Dan answers, sarcastically serious. “They were only mocks, but apparently they’ve got to be as realistic as possible.”

 

“Brown envelope and everything?” Phil sounds empathetic when he replies, and Dan looks at him in surprise. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m not _that_ old. I remember going for my results– it was awful.”

 

“Tell me about it,” Dan mutters, glaring at his lap. He doesn’t want to let his bad mood ruin his time with Phil, but he’s never been much good at covering up when he’s feeling emotional.

 

“Hey, Dan,” Phil’s hand is suddenly covering Dan’s, the pad of his thumb rubbing over Dan’s knuckles. He’s suddenly very aware of his heart thumping against his ribs, not used to actual human contact. Touch starved? Who is she?

 

“You’re gonna do fine.” Phil tells him, voice so soft and certain and _good_ that Dan’s eyes almost fucking slip shut just listening to it. He wants to curl up with his head in Phil’s lap, wants the man to play with his hair and kiss his knuckles and tell him that he’s going to be fine. “Trust me. Even if you don’t get the grades you want, that isn’t the end of the world. Look at me, I didn’t spontaneously combust when I didn’t get all A’s.”

 

“You?” Dan jokes, clearly overcompensating. “An unintellectual? Never.”

 

Phil gasps, taking his hand away from Dan’s hand and instead leaning over to pinch his thigh playfully. Much to his embarrassment, Dan squeaks and jerks to the side, wielding his feet threateningly. Phil smirks and returns his hands to the wheel, turning slowly and pulling into the school.

 

“Do you want me to come in with you, or are you alright?” Phil asks, and Dan briefly considers it. He imagines what it would be like, inviting Phil in to get his results with him. Maybe everyone at school would see him with a cool, older guy. Maybe everyone would think he wasn’t such a loser.

 

Or maybe Phil would just be there to witness Dan’s horrific mental breakdown in the face of his shitty exam grades.

 

“It’s probably safer if I go in alone.” Dan admits carefully. “You don’t have to stay.”

 

Phil pauses; after a few seconds of silence he unstraps himself and climbs out of the car. Dan hurries to follow after him, and when he rounds the other side of the vehicle it’s to see Phil leaning back against the car door. He’s too attractive, and it’s clear he doesn’t belong in this place; he belongs on the front page of a magazine with all the other leggy, smirking models.

 

“I’m just going shopping.” Phil shrugs, sliding his phone out of his pocket and holding it loosely in his hand. Dan doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that he’s still the centre of Phil’s attention, even over the temptation of the Internet. “I have absolutely no food and I can’t go like this.”

 

There’s a moment of hesitation where Dan giggles - honestly giggles, is he _twelve_? - and Phil smiles at him softly. Then, “Are you doing much after this?”

 

Dan blinks. “Sorry?”

 

“I mean, do you wanna come shopping with me?” Is Phil actually blushing, or is that just a hopeful figment of Dan’s imagination? “I don’t really have any idea where I’m going. Besides, I need someone to force me to buy fruit, or I’ll be eating pizza every night for a week.”

 

“Hey, don’t knock that lifestyle.” Dan says seriously. It would be impossible for Phil to get lost– there are food stores literally down every street and everybody knows it. Does he just want them to spend more time together? Does he actually consider Dan a friend?

 

“I’ll buy you ice cream to celebrate?” Phil offers eventually, and Dan sighs as though spending more time with this amazing person is a hardship.

 

“I guess so,” he rolls his eyes. “But only if we get chocolate.”

 

Phil gives his shoulder a light shove and Dan walks away to the sound of his laughter following him into school. There are a few crowds milling around, particular groups who must have organised to meet up, and Dan feels a short, sharp burst of jealousy before he remembers that he doesn’t need to right now. He has Phil waiting for him outside.

 

He makes his way towards the table, having to weave through a bunch of students that probably wouldn’t recognise him anyway, until he finally gets his hands on his envelope. He had been planning on walking home with it so that he could break down into tears in private, but he doesn’t want Phil to witness his emotional turmoil and he doesn’t think he could bare to wait a few hours until he got home just to find out. He slides a finger under the opening and breaks the seal neatly, holding his breath as he pulls out the thin sheet of paper.

 

In the end, he doesn’t do as badly as he was expecting. For literature he gets a B, which is about what he was expecting. It doesn’t suck but he’s never been the greatest at reading or essay writing, so he’s not all that torn up about it. He has an A for drama, which he gets inordinately excited about. It seems like all he’s ever done his whole life is act, so he figures he’s owed some good karma for his ability. The thing that sticks with him, however, is the letter D in bold, black print for his law exam.

 

The thing is, Dan never wanted to take law. He’s pleasing his parents and trying to carve a potential career out of sixth form, he supposes, because god knows drama is a near impossible route to go down. Law is the one his parents care about, the one they’ll ask about first, and he’s going to present them with a big failing grade.

 

So much for not being a disappointment.

 

Dan makes his way back to Phil’s car in a bit of a daze. He accidentally shoulders into another girl who he vaguely recognises from biology last year, and he mumbles out a lame apology when she glares at him.

 

He considers asking Phil to just drop him home but his need to hang out with the man is greater, so he swallows back the unfortunate lump in his throat and makes his way back to the car. Phil is waiting for him leaning against the car still, but now he has his phone pressed to his ear and smile on his face; Dan has an unexpected, unpleasant flash of jealousy. Who’s Phil talking to? How likely is it that he’s talking about Dan: the nerdy kid from next door who dragged Phil all the way to his _school_ of all places?

 

But then Phil spots him and waves dorkily, uttering a quick goodbye to whoever he’s speaking to and sliding the phone back into his pocket. Dan folds the piece of paper in half and tucks it back into the envelope, clutching it against his chest.

 

“You ready to go?” Phil asks. Dan nods gratefully; out of the corner of his eye he sees a different group of girls huddled together, watching Phil and whispering to each other, and another stab of jealousy twists in his stomach. He also sees one of the jock guys - the one that trips him in the hallway whenever they pass - smirking at him. When he sees Dan looking he sneers and mimes a blowjob, pushing his tongue into his cheek crudely. Dan flushes.

 

“Yeah,” he hurries round to the other side of the car. “Let’s go.”

 

They’re silent for a while, Dan sitting with his knees pressed together staring down into his lap. He can feel Phil glancing at him every now and then, can sense the man’s curiosity growing each time.

 

“Dan,” he whines finally, flicking Dan’s ear and making him giggle despite his bad mood. “I’m _dying_ over here. Am I allowed to ask? How did you do?”

 

With an inaudible sigh, Dan recounts the contents of the letter to Phil. He definitely doesn’t think about how Phil will be the first person he’s told, how that feels strangely intimate somehow. He doesn’t dwell on how Phil’s face splits into a smile so wide Dan is surprised it doesn’t hurt. Phil is just superhuman, he decides.

 

“That’s amazing, Dan!” Phil beams, taking his eyes off the road for a second to make intense eye contact. Dan’s saved from having to make his discomfort obvious when Phil’s hand settles warm and heavy over his knee. Dan’s let jerks automatically and he bites his lip, though whether he’s biting back hysterical laughter or uncontrollable sobbing he isn’t sure.

 

“I knew you’d be great at drama. Didn’t I say?” Phil sounds far too excited for someone he just met.

 

Dan can’t keep the glumness out of his voice when he says, “I still failed law, though.”

 

The smile dims on Phil’s face, and Dan has the absurd urge to apologise. He doesn’t mean to bring the mood down, but he’s mostly just paranoid about what his parents are going to say. There isn’t much they could do really - it’s not like he ever wants to go out, so grounding him won’t be very effective - but he’s terrified of the day they carry through with their threats to turn the WiFi off.

 

Okay, maybe he’s kidding himself. Maybe he’s just terrified of not being the son they want, but he doesn’t have to say that.

 

“Do you enjoy law?” Phil asks hesitantly after a moment's pause, like he knows he has to tread carefully. Dan doesn’t like that: he wants Phil to be his whole unabridged, unapologetic self.

 

“Hell no.” Dan scoffs. Then, “My parents want me to take it at university though.”

 

“Dan!” Phil sounds scandalised. “You can’t do three years of something you don’t even enjoy!”

 

“Why not?” Dan replies, maybe a little snappier than he intended. “I’ve been going to school for thirteen years, and I can’t stand it.”

 

“Dan,” Phil deadpans. Even like this, Dan likes hearing his name come from Phil’s mouth. “That’s different. Just… trust me, okay? University is so, so different. It may be awful now, but as long as you’re doing something you’re really passionate about you’ll enjoy uni. I promise.”

 

Dan stares for a moment, feeling winded. He wants Phil to be like this always– or, rather, he wants to be so passionate all the time. He wants Phil to never stop talking if his words can make Dan feel so calm inside. He hasn’t felt so safe in years, and it’s with someone he only met a week ago.

 

“Is that what you did, then?” Dan asks, not changing the subject exactly but lightening the atmosphere. He makes sure Phil can see the playful smirk on his face. “You passionate about English Language?”

 

“Don’t know where I’d be without it.” Phil replies similarly. “Literally.”

 

They settle into a comfortable silence. Phil drives - he was totally lying, Dan decides, because he hasn’t asked Dan for a single direction yet - whilst Dan blows on the window and draws smiley faces. He’s glad Phil doesn’t get all anal about that stuff like his parents do.

 

“They were totally checking you out, by the way.” Dan blurts out suddenly, finding he can’t quite contain the words anymore. It’s been niggling away at the back of his mind ever since they left the school, the idea that Phil might have noticed and liked it.

 

“What?” Phil blinks, surprised. “Who?”

 

“Those girls, back at school. You didn’t notice? They were practically drooling.” _Careful Howell,_ he thinks to himself, _not like you aren’t drooling over him yourself._

 

Phil seems taken aback and Dan sort of wishes that he hadn’t said anything when the man gives a soft, nervous laugh and rubs the back of his neck. “I didn’t notice.” He confirms. Phil rolls up to park, because somehow Dan had totally missed the fact that they’re outside the store already, and then twists in his seat, watching Dan with a strange intensity.

 

“It wouldn’t matter,” He says seriously. “I don’t date high school girls.”

 

Dan feels his cheeks flush bright red as his cheeks heat up. Okay, so maybe Phil is trying to tell Dan that his crush is not so subtle and is trying to let him down easy. Dan just wants the earth to open up and drag him into a black hole where he doesn’t have to worry about his parents or failing grades or beautiful next door neighbours called Phil.

 

But then Phil unbuckles and grins, all seriousness having disappeared in seconds. “Remember,” he sighs, jokingly upset. “Protein shakes and fruit only, okay? I’m relying on you!”

 

Dan only wishes that were true.

  



	4. Chapter 4

The night before returning to school always feels more depressing than actually returning for school, and Dan doesn’t really know why. Probably for the same reason that Sundays are always more depressing than Mondays, but this is different somehow. This isn’t just the end of another boring weekend. This is Dan’s last year before he has to commit to university, commit to his future one way or another. This is _important_ , and here he is lying in his bed without the motivation to even open his eyes.

 

He’s packed a bag. He’s collected such a large number of black biros that he won’t ever get rid of them. He’s thrown together a lunch consisting of a plain roll and a bag of crisps. For all intents and purposes, he’s ready.

 

Except, he’s not.

 

Dan doesn’t want to admit that he’s scared, but he can’t help feeling that this year is just going to be worse than ever. He’s not holding out much hope of making friends, which means he’ll be eating alone, sitting alone and generally existing on his own. This isn’t much different from any other year, but he’s almost eighteen now, which means it’ll just be more embarrassing.

 

He’s lying in bed as he’s contemplating this, because there’s no better place to spend your depressive episodes. When he hears the call from his father to come downstairs, however, he hurries. Things haven’t been exactly tense since Dan presented them with his results the week before, but they hadn’t been happy with him and he knows it. If trying not to piss them off will prevent the ‘talk’ he knows is coming, he’ll do it.

 

“Could you get the door?” His mother asks, passing him on the stairs. Dan hadn’t even heard anyone knock at the door but he figures it’s probably either a friend of his parents or someone trying to sell something. It’s mid evening, so no one else would be planning a visit.

 

Except when he opens the door it isn’t a random salesman standing there; it’s Phil, with his trademark smile on his face and a bottle of wine in his hands. Dan blinks.

 

“Phil?” He asks, confused. They’ve seen each other a few times since Dan went shopping with him, but Phil has never been over to Dan’s house whilst his parents are still there. As ridiculous as it is, he sort of wants to tell Phil to leave quickly before they see him: like Phil is some secret he has to keep from them.

 

It’s not that he thinks his parents would disapprove of Phil– the opposite, actually. Phil is the nicest person he knows, he’s in university, he’s got a nice house and he’s semi-financially stable. He’s actually got his life together, so of course Dan’s parents would love him. That’s the problem. As irrational as it is, Dan wants to keep Phil to himself. He doesn’t want their time together to be polluted by whatever his parents say about him– he doesn’t want Phil to start preferring drinking wine and discussing politics with his parents to playing video games and eating pizza with Dan.

 

That would be the last thing to ever happen, Dan thinks, but it doesn’t stop him from fearing it all the same.

 

“Dan!” Phil sounds excited to see him, but he’s such a nice person that he probably sounds like that with all his friends. Dan isn’t special. “How are you?”

 

“Um,” Dan doesn’t know how to say ‘what the hell are you doing here and why do you have alcohol?’ without it coming across as a little hostile. “I’m… Phil, what are you doing here? My parents are home.”

 

Phil’s smile fades into a frown and for a second he looks hesitant, like maybe he feels out of place. It’s a horrible expression that Dan never wants to see on Phil’s face ever again.

 

“Didn’t they tell you?” He asks, quieter now. Dan begins to feel even more anxious than he already is. “Your parents invited me over for dinner. I thought you knew. Dan–”

 

“Phil!” Suddenly Dan’s mother is descending the stairs, a friendly smile on her face as she brushes past Dan and places a kiss on each of Phil’s cheeks. She takes the wine when Phil offers it to her silently. “You shouldn’t have! That’s so sweet of you, come on in. Dan, don’t stand in the way.”

 

Dan feels his cheeks flame. This right here is why he didn’t want Phil to meet his parents.

 

“Dinner’s almost ready, Dan can take you to the dining room.” She promises, ruffling Dan’s hair as she walks past him again. He stumbles out of the way and subtly tries to tame his hair into an acceptable style.

 

Dan leads Phil through the house to the dining room; really if he’d cared enough to actually walk through the house it would have been fairly obvious someone was coming over because there’s an actual table cloth on the table and his parents have lifted out the good cutlery. Whoops.

 

Dan kicks the door shut behind him even though he knows his parents would snap at him for doing that - which may or may not be why he’s doing it - and turns to speak to Phil. Only, when he turns around Phil is standing right in front of him, so close that Dan almost has to strain his neck looking into the man’s eyes.

 

“Dan,” Phil murmurs, and okay, have they been transported in one of Dan’s illicit fantasies? This would be a lot hotter if his parents weren’t just in the other room. Then he notices Phil’s tentative expression. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” Phil tells him sincerely. “If I knew you didn’t know I wouldn’t have– I mean, I’ll go if you want. The last thing I want is to make things awkward for you.”

 

Dan swallows, overcome by the urge to cry. He just wants to hide his face against Phil’s chest because who gave him the right to be so _nice_? Furthermore, why is he even being so nice to Dan, who is a complete and utter fail at the best of times?

 

He doesn’t do either of those things, though. Instead he swallows back his emotions and plasters a fake smile onto his face, shaking his head and ducking past Phil. “Don’t worry about it, Phil.” He says. “Why would it be awkward? It’s just dinner.”

 

Phil’s face falls, though Dan doesn’t know why. Isn’t that what he wanted to hear.

 

“Right, of course.” Phil smiles weakly, but he looks so crestfallen that Dan can’t help feeling bad.

 

“Just as long as you don’t get drunk and start telling them university sucks or something like that. They’ll never invite you back.” Dan offers, the corner of his mouth lifting at the corner. Phil sees it and laughs, sounding relieved. Dan continues, because he’s been dying to ask the question and he’s not going to do it in front of his parents. “On that topic, why did they even invite you over?”

 

Phil groans and lets his face fall into his hands. Dan can feel himself smiling already. “Okay, listen, you’re gonna think I’m totally lame.” Phil starts.

 

“You mean more than I already do? Impossible.”

 

“Rude.” Phil sticks his tongue out at him. “I was coming back from visiting my parents the other day, and of course my mum had made me this massive tray of lasagne because she knows how hopelessly inept I am at cooking for myself.”

 

Dan nods, because yes, this is common knowledge.

 

“And I think your parents must have been getting back at the same time because then your dad sort of… walked into me? And then the lasagne went all over the floor and we got talking and then your mother invited me over for dinner. And here we are.”

 

Dan shakes his head because, yep, that sounds exactly like his parents. His father would be unendingly clumsy, and of course his mother would be eager to bond with the new neighbour. Not that Dan can blame her, when the new neighbour is so lovely.

 

Dan sighs and sits down, resting his elbows on the table and his chin in his hand. Phil bites his bottom lip worriedly and slides into a seat opposite Dan.

 

“I didn’t even know you were coming.” Dan mutters, unsure as to why he’s actually upset at all. What does it matter that he didn’t know Phil was coming over? It’s not like he tells his parents everything either. He has yet to tell them he’s gay, after all.

 

“I’m sorry.” Phil tells him, even though he doesn’t need to apologise. Even so, Dan weirdly appreciates it and gives Phil a small smile in return.

 

“You should apologise to yourself.” Dan tells him, mock serious. “This is about to be painfully awkward. I hope you like answering personal questions and spilling your life story in front of virtual strangers.”

 

Phil winces, laughing in spite of this. “I guess there’s no chance we can sneak over to my place and get Chinese, is there?”

 

“Not unless we fake our own deaths and go out the window.”

 

“I’m down if you are?” Something warm spreads through Dan’s chest at the thought that Phil would rather be spending time with him alone, even though it doesn’t really mean anything. Dan would rather bash his head against the wall than sit through two hours of this, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to fall in love with the wall and hopefully have children with it and spend the rest of his life with it.

 

Weird.

 

Before Dan can reply the door is swinging open and Dan’s father bustles in, carrying a tray of something Dan can’t quite see. Phil sits up straight as though he’s trying to make a good impression and smiles at Dan’s dad pleasantly.

 

“Feel free to serve yourself, Phillip.” Dan’s mum chimes in, coming in straight afterwards. Dan stifles a snort and mouths ‘ _Phillip’_ at Phil over the table. Phil’s cheeks tint pink and he aims a kick at Dan’s ankles.

 

“Thank you, ma’am.” Phil replies politely.

 

What comes next is hands down one of the most uncomfortable hours of Dan’s life. He manages to get by mostly in silence, listening to the awkward smalltalk his parents try to engage Phil in, hoping that the sooner he finishes his food the sooner he’ll get to leave. In the span of half an hour his parents have already covered how they met, where they got married and every minute detail about their jobs. In the next half hour they discuss Phil’s childhood, his family and what he wants to do after university– which, comparatively, is much more interesting. Dan listens with a vaguely bored expression, hoping both that Phil won’t think he’s being boring and that he won’t look weirdly intrigued.

 

It’s then, just when Dan thinks maybe they can finally leave, that they start on him.

 

“We’re so glad that you and Dan are actually getting on, Phil.” His mother says unexpectedly. Dan had been daydreaming with his head balanced on his hand, but at the sound of his own name he jerks upright, almost spilling his drink over the tablecloth. Phil is the only one to notice, and he shoots Dan an almost imperceptible smile when his parents aren’t looking.

 

“We’ve been sort of worried.” She continues, oblivious to the death glare Dan is giving her. “Getting Dan interested in university has been an uphill struggle, but maybe now he’ll see that it’s actually a good thing.”

 

“Mum–” Dan says shortly. He doesn’t actually have anything to say, but he’s hoping that his irritated tone will be enough of a tell. Unfortunately, it isn’t.

 

“Especially considering his latest results.” Dan’s mouth snaps shut with an audible click. Even Phil looks up in surprise, and he lowers his fork back to the plate without looking at Dan. Dan kind of wishes the earth would open up and swallow him right about now.

 

“I saw Dan’s latest results.” Phil confirms, and holy shit, is he pissed off? He sounds pissed off. “It takes a lot to do so well in drama. I was really impressed.”

 

If Dan had been drinking right then he would have choked on his water. I would have been worth it to see the priceless look on his parents’ faces.

 

They don’t talk much after that. He can tell that Phil feels bad about how he acted because he’s painfully polite afterwards, but Dan can’t bring himself to care. Phil stood up for him, and that’s all that really matters to him. Phil _cares_.

 

Of course afterwards when they’re left on their own - after Dan’s dad has turned down Phil’s offer to wash up three times - Dan can’t think of a single word to say to him. He goes to lead Phil into the living room so they can finally be on their own, but Phil stops him with a hand on his shoulder, warmth bleeding through the thin material of his shirt.

 

“Where are you going?” Phil asks, biting back a smile. “The stairs are that way?”

 

“What?” Dan asks smartly.

 

“You didn’t think you were gonna get away with not showing me your room, did you?” Phil raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms over his chest, reprimanding. “Come on, I wanna see where you spend ninety percent of your time. I’m expecting big things.”

 

Dan snorts. “Um, don’t? You’re about to be disappointed, my friend.” Even so, he leads Phil towards the stairs and into his bedroom, only just resisting the urge to take his hand. He closes the door behind him and leans back against it, heart pounding as he watches Phil take a seat on the edge of his bed.

 

Dan’s room isn’t anything special. He has a single bed shoved into the corner and clothes scattered all over his floor– actually, maybe he should have cleaned before  letting Phil in here. His curtains are permanently drawn so the room is cast into shadows even in the day. Phil looks around and takes it all in, a small smile still on his face.

 

“So this is your crib, huh?” Phil asks him finally. Dan’s pent up nervous energy manifests as unstoppable laughter and he claps a hand over his mouth to try and control it. Shaking his head, he takes a seat so close to Phil that their thighs and shoulders are pressed tightly together. He has a mini crisis about whether he should shuffle over, but Phil doesn’t make any movements so neither does he.

 

“Please don’t ever say that again.” Dan begs through his laughter.

 

Phil leans back on his hands and his ankle brushes against Dan’s.

 

“I like it.” Phil decides. “It’s very you.”

 

“Dark and depressing?” Dan guesses, deadpan. Phil sticks his tongue out at him.

 

“A little messy, a little chaotic, but ultimately well designed.” Dan has no idea what that means, but he can tell that Phil means it as a compliment. He looks down at their knees pressed together to hide his smile.

 

“Hey,” Phil says suddenly, knocking their shoulders together. “About what your parents said. Don’t listen to them, okay? If university isn’t for you, it isn’t for you. End of. And for the record, A’s in drama cancel out D’s in law. Alright?”

 

“Says who?” Dan challenges, but he’s grinning. He feels light inside, a weight taken off his shoulders.

 

“Says me.” Phil replies. Dan… Dan can’t explain his sudden need to be as close as possible to Phil, but it has him sighing and sinking down, his head resting on Phil’s shoulder. His eyes are closed, but he can still feel the way Phil tenses for a moment; he worries briefly that he’s overstepped the boundaries they must have set up invisibly, but then he feels the curve of Phil’s smile against his forehead, feels Phil’s hair tickle his cheek as he rests his own head on top of Dan’s.

 

They only stay like that for the five minutes they have together until Phil has to leave, but Dan thinks it may be the best five minutes of his life.

 


	5. Chapter 5

In hindsight, going to the party was a mistake. Dan doesn’t even know the kid whose house he’s currently getting drunk in, and showing up to a party where the majority of people don’t like him is a bad idea in every universe. It’s only the first week of school and already people apparently need catharsis in the form of excessive drinking and dancing to loud music.

 

But he’d been so bored again, and lonely. He’d wanted to go talk to Phil but had hesitated for fear of irritating the man with his constant drama; instead, he’d showed up to his classmate’s party uninvited.

 

And now he’s greatly enjoying the free alcohol. It’s been going on for at least an hour by now and the music is so loud Dan thinks his entire body is vibrating, though that might just be the beer. He’s had a few already, and took a few shots of something colourful and sugary from a girl in a miniskirt and a bra, and he sort of feels like the world is ripping precariously all around him. So maybe he’s a lightweight.

 

He wishes he had a friend here, someone he could get drunk comfortably with. He wishes Phil were here– Dan thinks Phil would take care of him, make sure he didn’t throw up on himself, make sure he got into bed okay.

 

There are a few people shooting him dirty looks - though he is sitting on the doorstep right now so maybe they’re just annoyed he’s blocking their path - but so far nobody has actually approached him. He’s both surprised and not at all surprised.

 

That changes, however, when someone taps Dan’s shoulder from behind, and his heart sinks into his stomach. Even drunk, he’s aware enough to realise someone actually noticing him is a bad thing. He’s not sure who he’s expecting to see when he turns around, but he supposes he should have suspected it would be the group of jocks that love to torment him. They all look fairly drunk, which only makes things even more unpredictable.

 

There are some occasions that Dan likes unpredictable. This is not one of them.

 

“What are you doing here, fag?” The blonde one with patchy facial hair - Matt, Dan thinks he’s called - asks. “You weren’t invited.”

 

Dan, who would usually mutter an apology and get the fuck out of there as quickly as possible, stands still and quiet for a second. He’s drunk, and the tipsy, unbalanced feeling is really messing with his head. He doesn’t want to bite his tongue anymore, and he knows he’s going to regret this all in the morning but he can’t bring himself to care.

 

“It’s a house party,” Dan mutters, staggering to his feet and almost falling down the stairs. “No one was invited.”

 

Matt’s eyebrows raise incredulously and he sneers, casting a quick look back at his friends behind him. “Are you trying to pick a fight, Howell? Is he trying to pick a fight, do you think?”

 

“I think he’s trying to pick a fight.” One of his friends says, snickering. Dan doesn’t know if he’s trying to pick a fight or not.

 

“Trust me, fag, you don’t wanna do that.”

 

Dan thinks about Phil, about the way Dan knows he’d accept him in a second he thinks about his parents and how they’ve told him they would always love him no matter what. He thinks about these assholes who have tormented him for years for no real reason.

 

Very clearly, he says, “Fuck you.”

 

It’s a mistake. Matt is on him in seconds, wrapping a hand around his upper arm through the thin fabric of his t shirt and swinging him round to slam him against the side of the house. He moves one hand to wrap around Dan’s neck, fingering digging harshly into Dan’s cheeks, as the other hand remains locked in place around his forearm. He’s going to have bruises tomorrow for sure.

 

“Listen, you _freak.”_ Matt spits at him, saliva flying into Dan’s face. He can’t help but flinch, oxygen coming to him slower now. He struggles but it’s no use– Matt has an iron tight grip on him, and even if Dan somehow did manage to get away, there are three others waiting to grab him. He’s fucked.

 

“No one wants you here. No one _cares_ about you, so do us all a favour and fuck off.” To Dan’s surprise, Matt lets him go and he slides down the wall to the wet ground. His head is ringing and the world is spinning around him; his wrists are sore and there are probably fingerprints around his neck.

 

Minutes pass, and Dan is alone again. The music is quieter out here, and in the relative quiet of the cold night air Dan wants nothing more than to just go home. Except, he doesn’t want to be _home_ home. He wants to be with Phil.

 

Sliding his phone out of his pocket - relieved that he hasn’t lost it - he finds Phil’s contact easily. The man had given it to him ages ago, when they’d first spent time together, but Dan has just never been brave enough to use it.

 

Phil picks up on the third ring, and Dan almost cries in relief at the sound of his voice. “Hello?” He asks, confused. “Dan? Are you there?”

 

“Phil,” Dan breathes, eyes slipping closed. He hears Phil’s sharp intake of breath, hears the sudden urgency in his voice when he speaks next.

 

“Dan?” He repeats. “Where are you? Are you okay? What happened?”

 

Instead of replying to the bombardment of questions, Dan simply sighs and smiles. “Can you come pick me up?” He questions, curling up into a ball. “It’s really cold out here. I’m really cold.”

 

“Dan,” Phil sounds calmer now, but only barely, like he’s forcing himself to be calm. “Can you tell me where you are? I’m gonna come pick you up, alright?”

 

Dan hums and recites the address, closing his eyes again. He’s too tired to keep them open and the buzz of the alcohol is wearing off a little, leaving him feeling bone tired and sleepy instead.

 

He isn’t sure how long he stays there, and honestly at this point he’s too exhausted and freezing cold to care, but the next thing he knows he’s being hoisted up by his armpits and lead towards a car. Dan knows it’s Phil even though his eyes are closed– the man has a distinct smell. Also, Phil is kind of keeping up a running narrative that comes in and out of whatever the auditory version of focus is; Dan thinks it has something to do with him being an idiot, but Phil is using his fond voice so he can’t be too upset.

 

“C’mon, Dan.” Phil is saying. His arm is around Dan’s shoulders and Dan lets his head loll to the side, falling into the crook of Phil’s neck. Phil is so warm and he smells so good and Dan could just stay here forever.

 

“I’m gonna strap you in, alright? Please don’t throw up on me.” Phil says, one hand behind Dan’s head as he sets him back in the passenger seat. Dan makes a sleepy, dissatisfied noise and paws at Phil’s head, fingers accidentally snagging in his soft hair.

 

“Jeez, Dan.” Phil spares him a glance and shakes his head. Dan genuinely can’t tell if he’s annoyed or not. “You really know how to pick parties, huh? Stop moving or you’re gonna be sick– is this your first time being drunk? I’m gonna take you home.”

 

Dan doesn’t have the best social skills sober and it turns he’s even worse when he’s drunk, but he has enough wherewithal to know that he absolutely doesn’t want to go home right now. His parents can’t see him like this.

 

“No!” He moans, and then bursts out laughing at Phil’s shocked expression. Everything is funny even though nothing is funny and wow, Dan might really love being drunk.

 

“My parents–” Dan doesn’t even have to finish his sentence before Phil is wincing in commiseration and nodding, waving the concern away. By unspoken agreement it is decided that Dan will stay at Phil’s tonight, and the thought fills him with unbidden excitement. This sort of mutual understanding is why he loves Phil.

 

Not _loves_ loves, of course. Just… loves.

 

“Listen, Dan,” Dan suddenly becomes aware that Phil is talking again. “I have some people over. Just, like, two friends. Just so you know in advance.”

 

“Oh,” Dan blinks dumbly. Phil has friends? Of course Phil has friends. He’s a university student with a heart of gold, and Dan is just a lame kid hanging off his arm getting drunk for the first time. “I can go if you _really_ want?”

 

Dan always wondered if he’d be a sad drunk, a happy drunk or a flirty drunk. Turns out he’s all three.

 

“What?” Phil asks, sounding genuinely surprised. “No way. Don’t worry about it, they’re all staying the night anyway. It’ll just mean you’ll have to take my bed.”

 

“I’m not kicking you out of your own bed, Philip.” Dan replies, scandalised, snickering at his own voice. Phil rolls his eyes and, after pulling up and parking in his own drive, pinches Dan’s side. It tickles and his instant reaction is to squeal and curl up against the door. Real mature.

 

“Dan,” Phil rolls his eyes, unclipping Dan’s seatbelt but otherwise not making any move to get out of the car. “You’re going to wake up with a killer hangover tomorrow. You’re not gonna want to be sharing a bed.”

 

“Yeah I am.” Dan replies before he can stop himself. Being drunk shuts off his brain to mouth filter even more than it already is, apparently. “Totally would share a bed with you.”

 

“Um,” Phil watches him with wide eyes.

 

“I mean, platonically. As friends. Platonic bed sharing.” Okay, he’s totally rambling now and Phil is watching him with a bemused smile and can someone _please_ shut him up.

 

“Uh huh,” Phil has one eyebrow raised and his blue eyes are the brightest thing in the whole car and Dan only just realises how close together they are. His head is resting on the edge of the seat whilst Phil is practically leaning over the middle console, lips inches from Dan’s mouth.

 

“Phil,” Dan breathes, eyes fluttering shut momentarily. He hears Phil let out a ragged sigh, like something inside him is snapping; then Phil’s fingers dance across his cheek, soft and warm and comforting. Phil’s hand brushes through his hair and cups his cheek, thumb stroking along the faint impression of Dan’s cheekbone.

 

“God, you’re so young.” Phil whispers. Dan is helpless, can only nuzzle into his palm, desperate for more contact. “Why’d you have to be so young, huh?”

 

It’s a rhetorical question, obviously, and Dan doesn’t have any answers otherwise.

 

“And so drunk.” Phil’s still speaking in that same soft tone of voice, but at this he laughs a little and Dan can feel him moving further away. He doesn’t want that at all– it feels like he only just got Phil’s hands on him.

 

“I’m not!” He blurts out unconvincingly. “I mean, I am. But not always. I just mean… uh, why are words so hard.”

 

Dan’s convinced he must be glowing bright red at this point but Phil is still cupping his face and stroking his cheek and regarding him with that same fond expression, so it can’t be too bad.

 

“Relax,” Phil tells him. “Are you really nervous because of me, Dan Howell? Come on.”

 

Dan laughs at this, giddy and still incredibly drunk. Phil strokes his hair back from his forehead and sighs. “You need to sleep. Trust me, you’ll thank me tomorrow morning. And I expect to hear all about this party and why it was so special you had to get blackout drunk and call me at just past midnight.”

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Dan groans, staggering out of the car and giggling when Phil hurries round to his side to make sure he doesn’t fall over and brain himself outside his own house. “Whatever you say, Philip.”

 

True to his word, Phil has three other people crowded into his living room– the living room Dan helped organise, something in the back of his mind crows possessively. He’s just glad drunk Dan doesn’t feel the need to voice that particular thought.

 

Unsurprisingly Dan doesn’t recognise any of them: there are two men and a woman sat cross legged on the floor, all looking to be around Phil’s age, and when Phil stumbles in with Dan’s arm slung around his shoulder they all look up with varying degrees of surprise.

 

“Oh, Phil, honey.” The woman says, a smile tugging at her lips. “That’s jailbait right there.”

 

Dan is too out of it to actually pick apart what this means, so he shrugs it off and figures he’ll just come back to it later. He feels Phil tense next to him, feels the man’s breath tickle his ear when he speaks.

 

“That’s Dan,” he corrects pointedly. “Feel free to go to bed whenever. I’m gonna go sort this out. Night, guys.”

 

He leads Dan upstairs before he can even say anything to this new group of people, and does a terrible job of ignoring the comments of, ‘woah, _the_ Dan?’ that drift up the stairs behind him. So Phil has been talking about him. No biggie.

 

“I didn’t even get to say hello!” Dan whines, allowing Phil to lay him down in one of the most comfortable beds he’s ever been in and work the shoes off his feet. Next come his socks, and by the time Phil gets to his jeans Dan is too exhausted to so much as lift his hips off the bed. Phil manages to get them off by some magic stroke of luck, and then he’s tucking the covers up to Dan’s ears and placing a chaste kiss on his forehead.

 

“Oh, trust me, they aren’t gonna let you leave tomorrow without interrogating you. I’m just looking out for you here, putting that off for as long as possible.”

 

“Looking out for me?” Dan repeats, clearly focusing on the most important part of that sentence. Phil’s eyes focus on his again and the air between them is thick with tension.

 

“Yeah,” Phil nods. “Looking out for you, Dan.”

 

He hesitates at the door when Dan rolls onto his side. “Platonic bedsharing?” Dan asks with a grin, because the thought of Phil taking the sofa doesn’t sit well with him. If that means Phil just so happens to share a bed with him… he’s not going to complain.

 

“Yeah,” Phil repeats, exhaling softly and crawling back into the bed. Dan makes a small noise but Phil kisses the back of his neck softly and strokes a comforting hand down his side. “Just sleep, Dan.”

 

“Mhm,” Dan replies distractedly. He falls asleep with Phil curled up behind him, his breath warm on the back of Dan’s neck and his hand a comforting presence on his hip. He can’t remember ever being happier.

 


	6. Chapter 6

When Dan wakes up the next morning with the sun filtering in through slits in the curtains, he becomes gradually aware of three things. The first is the splitting headache he must have acquired at some point in the night that feels like someone is slowly hammering a nail in between his eyes. The second is that Phil is still curled around him, arm slung over Dan’s waist casually and his face pressed into the back of Dan’s neck, except at some point in the night he must have lost the t-shirt because Dan can feel his bare skin.

 

The third is, yep, that is most definitely a boner pressing into his lower back.

 

Dan tries to hold still, both to stop the throbbing in his head from getting any worse and also because Phil still seems to be asleep. He’s hard, and wearing the tracksuits he must have left the house in last night, so Dan can feel the heat of Phil’s cock through the fabric. It feels like he can barely breathe.

 

“Holy shit,” He whispers to himself, still not convinced this isn’t all just a dream. If it was a dream he doesn’t think he’d be in excruciating pain, and he isn’t sure if that makes it better or worse.

 

His self reflection must have been so disturbing that it even permeated Phil’s dreams, because the man starts to stir, his hair tickling Dan’s shoulders. He makes a sleepy, muffled noise, and then freezes. Dan holds still, frozen, not sure whether it’ll be more embarrassing for Phil if he’s awake or asleep.

 

But then Phil is cursing and scrambling backwards, and even if Dan really _had_ been asleep, he would most definitely be awake now.

 

“ _Shit_ ,” Phil hisses conspicuously. Dan jerks upwards, heart pounding, and watches in a suspended state of panic as Phil lunges for a t-shirt. He pulls it on over his head and manages to ruffle his hair in the process, face going an interesting shade of red. If Dan’s head didn’t feel like it was about to explode he’d probably be laughing.

 

“Dan?” Phil asks tentatively, wincing in commiseration when Dan brings a hand up to his forehead and flinches. Dan makes an unintelligible noise, and Phil snorts. “Shit, okay, hold on. Let me get you some painkillers.”

 

Dan lowers himself back down into bed carefully so as not to set off another wave of nausea and groans in relief at the softness of the duvet against his bare skin– which brings him to his millionth problem of the morning. Where the fuck are his clothes? Phil seems to remember this at the exact same time as Dan, because his face morphs from vaguely pink to full on cherry red.

 

“Your clothes, fuck. I– I put them in the wash after you fell asleep last night. Okay, um, here.” He picks a random pair of sweatpants off the floor and an oversized hoodie that’s so fluffy on the inside Dan almost weeps. Hurling them in Dan’s general direction, Phil leaves quickly with a muttered explanation of going to get Dan some paracetamol.

 

Dan must fall asleep at some point between Phil leaving and Phil coming back, because the next thing he knows he’s waking up again. His headache is less prominent now and there are two small pills next to a tall glass of water on the bedside table. Phil’s clothes are still in a messy heap at his feet.

 

He takes the two tablets without thinking about it; if Phil was planning on murdering him there would have been plenty of better opportunities before now. The water does a good job of hydrating him and, when he’s both physically and emotionally stable enough to stand up, he swings his legs over the side of the bed. Getting dressed is comparatively easy, but he does notice a ring bruises around his wrists and a sizeable one around his throat.

 

Oh well, he thinks. Phil’s sleeves are too long for him anyway, and if he wears his hood up then no one will be able to see it. He’ll look like death, but at least he won’t look like death who’s been beaten up.

 

Wearing Phil’s clothes is intimate in the same way sharing a bed with him was. It makes Dan feel a little closer to him, both physically as well as mentally, and it’s something he’s gone so long without that he can already feel himself getting addicted to this new, easy friendship they have going on.

 

He just hopes that won’t fuck him over in the end.

 

When he finally descends the stairs, everyone else is already up. It is past midday so he shouldn’t really be surprised, but it's a little awkward when he shows up in the kitchen, hood pulled low over his face, sleeves hiding his hands, hair messy and almost covering his eyes, to see everyone turn to him.

 

Phil is behind the counter whilst the three other people that Dan saw last night are sitting at the kitchen table with a mountain of pancakes in front of them. Dan is too distracted by the strangers currently gawping at him, so he doesn’t notice the way Phil’s eyes widen when he sees Dan dressed entirely in his clothes.

 

“Um, hi.” Dan directs it at Phil, feeling suddenly embarrassed at how he must have acted last night. Words and phrases come back to him in broken fragments, and he definitely wants to crawl into a hole and die now. “Sorry for sleeping for so long.”

 

“Don’t be,” Phil smiles, friendly and relaxing and everything that makes him so perfectly _Phil_. “You needed the rest after last night.”

 

Dan winces and looks down, fingernails drumming anxiously into the countertop. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that too.” He says uncomfortably, eyes flickering over to the others. “Sorry for stealing your bed. Sorry for the entirety of last night, actually.”

 

“Dan, really,” Phil sounds so earnest when he speaks, and his eyes get so big and blue and beautiful. Dan’s in _love_. “Don’t apologise. I’m glad you called. If you hadn’t–”

 

A pointed cough from behind Phil has him clamming up immediately and he rolls his eyes, managing to look somehow both fond and apologetic at the same time.

 

“Alright, alright, relax already.” Phil snorts. “Dan, these are my friends Louise, PJ and Chris. Guys, this is Dan. My friend. I might have mentioned him before at, um, some point.”

 

Chris chokes on his sip of coffee, and Louise only smirks when she says, “Once or twice, maybe.”

 

Phil scowls. Dan doesn’t get the joke.

 

“Thank you so much for everything,” Dan starts, figuring it’s probably best if he beats a hasty retreat. He’s already taken up too much of Phil’s time with his ridiculous, angsty teenage drama. “I mean, like, picking me up and everything. The bed and the clothes… I’ll return them to you tomorrow? But I should probably go. Thank you again–”

 

“What?” Louise cries out suddenly, startling both of them. “But we only just met you!”

 

“Guys–” Phil starts, but Chris has joined Louise’s team apparently because he drowns him out before he can finish.

 

“Going back to your parents hungover is the worst idea ever, dude. Just saying.” Whilst Dan could mention that his parents won’t actually be there at this time, he kind of does want to stick around and be with Phil for a bit longer. He keeps his mouth shut and watches Phil instead.

 

Phil, who’s watching him right back.

 

“I mean,” he says. “You know you’re always welcome here for as long as you want.”

 

***

 

Dan texts his mother later on in the afternoon to say he’s spending the day at Phil’s. She’s already at work so he knows she won’t see it until she gets back, but Phil’s friends seem to have come up with an extensive list of activities so he can’t imagine he’ll be getting back home any time soon. He’s okay with that, though, and although he doubts she’d notice if he wasn’t there he’d rather avoid the inevitable death if she does start to panic.

 

Phil has been weirdly silent all day, avoiding his eye and sitting as far away from him on the sofa as possible. Even when Louise relents and lets them use her Netflix account and Dan suggests ‘Friends’ for the millionth time, Phil doesn’t look at him once.

 

It does seem like they’re both having a good time though. Phil is laughing about ninety percent of the time and, in spite of an awkward introductory conversation with Louise and Chris, Dan has a good time.

 

“So, you’re Dan?” Louise turns to him around episode four of season two when Phil leaves for more popcorn. Chris, who is situated on the floor between Louise’s knees, twists his neck around to listen avidly. Dan thinks PJ might have fallen asleep in the armchair.

 

“Um, yeah?” Dan’s voice breaks in the middle of his sentence and he ends up sounding doubtful about his own name, which, great. “Yeah, I’m Dan.” Phil had already done introductions when he’d come downstairs, so he’s a little confused.

 

“Dan from next door?” Chris iterates. Dan laughs a little, nervous.

 

“That’d be me,” He confirms. “What, has Phil been bitching about me? Whatever he said, it’s probably his fault.”

 

Chris and Louise share a pointed look, and Louise snorts, biting her bottom lip to keep from laughing. Chris nods. “Uh huh, sure.” He smirks. “I can absolutely believe that. Phil is tragic. Run while you still can.”

 

Dan almost mentions that Phil said the same thing to him about them last night, but he isn’t sure if he’s earned the right to joke around with them like that yet.

 

“Hey!” Phil says from the doorway, an almost overflowing bowl of popcorn in his hands. “I resent that! You don’t get any snacks now.”

 

“Aw, hey, c’mon,” Louise giggles. “We were only teasing! Phil’s lovely, Dan, I promise.”

 

“Nope,” Phil takes his seat again, and Dan tries not to find it adorable how his legs curl up under him as he sits. It’s definitely not adorable how he scowls playfully at his friends, or how he wraps both arms around the bowl of popcorn to keep it to himself.

 

“Just cause we made you look bad in front of next-door-Dan.” Chris grumbles. Phil chokes on a kernel and flicks a handful of popcorn at the back of his head. Dan feels very out of place all of a sudden, like he’s intruding on a private ritual between three close friends, but at that moment Phil catches his eye and shoots him the smallest, sweetest smile. It’s disgusting how warm it makes Dan feel inside.

 

When it gets dark they break out the alcohol, and after a terrifying minute where Dan thinks the memories alone might make him throw up, Chris reveals something sugary and addictive and Dan takes it gratefully. Phil frowns almost worriedly.

 

“You _just_ got over a hangover.” He objects.

 

“Which is exactly why he should get drunk _again_.” Chris jumps in to his defence. Louise nods in somber agreement.

 

“We’re building up his tolerance, Phil.” She declares seriously.

 

“You’re giving him liver damage, is what you’re doing.” Phil crosses his arms over his chest grumpily. “He’s not even eighteen!”

 

Dan would complain about how they’re talking about him when he’s literally right there, but he sort of likes how protective Phil is being. That’s not to say he isn’t going to continue to drink, of course, but he’s going to do so secure in the knowledge that Phil cares about him enough to disapprove.

 

Chris is the first to get drunk, which makes it a little strange that his advice is the one they all follow. When he suggests putting on ‘Frozen’ they all sigh and do it, even though it’s obvious he’s planning to force them all to sing along. When he suggests they play ‘never have I ever’, they all sigh and assemble into a loose circle on the floor.

 

“You’ve played before, right Dan?” Chris checks, leaning in so close to talk to him that he almost topples over. Louise snorts, but Phil is looking between them carefully; after only a few seconds that feel like hours under the heat of Phil’s gaze, the man reaches out to push Chris back upwards and, ergo, away from Dan.

 

“Are you sure this is a good idea, mate?” Phil asks. Chris just laughs.

 

Dan isn’t too worried. He’s not even buzzed and he expects he won’t have done most of the exciting thing these older, more experienced uni students have done. He’s fairly sure his liver is safe for now.

 

He wonders what his mother would think, though, if she could see them now. He wonders if she’d still think Phil was a good influence, getting drunk with a bunch of uni friends on a Saturday evening.

 

For the most part he sits back and watches as the others get more and more competitive. Louise and Phil seem to have somewhat of a competition going on as their statements get more and more targeted. After Louise directs a very pointed one at Phil about having an emo phase - to which Dan, admittedly, has to drink - Phil gasps at her, mock hurt.

 

“Fine, if you want to be like that.” Phil winces at the bitter taste of alcohol and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. Dan really shouldn’t find it so endearing. “Never have I ever made out with a girl.”

 

This has Dan’s eyebrows raising. It pretty much confirms what Dan already suspected - do totally straight guys stroke other boys’ faces and wake up with boners for them? - but to hear that he’s never made out with a female? That’s wild. Not even when he was a dumb teenager like Dan, trying to figure out who he was? Even Dan has made out with a girl– year eight _counts_ , okay?

 

But Louise simply smirks, self satisfied, and takes another drink. PJ knocks his glass against Chris as they both drink and Dan tries to be as conspicuous as possible when he takes his own drink so as not to distract Phil from the surprise of this new revelation. Chris sees him do it and gives him an awkward, not so subtle thumbs up. Dan fights an involuntary shudder.

 

Suddenly Dan can feel someone’s eyes on him and a faint tickle on the back of his neck. When he looks up he notices Louise’s eyes on him, and he can’t help but think ‘uh oh’.

 

“Alright,” she tilts her head to the side. “Never have I ever made out with a boy.”

 

Dan flushes instantly, because he can’t help but think that was also somehow targeted. Phil opens his mouth with a confused expression, probably to ask why Louise is deliberately sabotaging herself; then his eyes flicker towards Dan and he shuts his mouth.

 

“That’s cheating.” He mutters as he takes a drink– and Dan, very noticeably, does not. Phil's eyes catch his gaze and Dan feels frozen for a second, unable to look away; Phil knows now, if he didn’t before, because it’s fairly obvious that Dan is a big dork. Nothing about him really screams sex magnet.

 

But now Phil knows _for sure._

 

“Never have I ever _wanted_ to make out with a guy.” PJ chips in, even though Chris starts complaining about how it isn’t his turn. Dan’s stomach starts to sink and he can feel panic start to sit heavy and crushing on his chest.

 

“Guys, c’mon.” Phil says, serious now. Dan thinks he might have picked up on his quickly turning mood, because he sounds worried and guilty and adorable.

 

“Phil, don’t worry about it.” Dan tries to say. As much as he loves Phil taking care of him, all this extra attention being drawn to something he hasn’t even told his parents yet is sort of making him uncomfortable. Phil looks like he wants to reply but then Louise’s eyes widen and she splutters, and–

 

“Is that a _hickey_?” Dan’s hand flies to his neck as he slaps his palm over the bruise left there from last night. It doesn’t take long to remember the situation and realise that his hood must have come down at some point in the day. It also doesn’t take long to remember that he’s a sexless loser and nobody has been giving him hickies, so what Louise must be seeing is actually Matt’s fingerprint around his neck. Significantly less sexy.

 

Ignorant to Dan’s sudden inner turmoil Chris and PJ lean forward to catch a look, squabbling between themselves; Dan can only look at Phil, regardless of how he now finds himself blushing furiously, and hopes the man can tell its most definitely not a hickey.

 

Phil, as it turns out, can tell.

 

“Holy shit,” he breathes, reaching out instinctively. Dan holds still and lets him brush his fingertips over the bruising on his throat. “Dan, what happened? Who did that?”

 

The others, who must now have realised it's not anything as exciting as a hickey, stay respectfully silent.

 

“It’s nothing.” Dan replies weakly, pulling away even though it’s the last thing he wants to do. “No one. Forget it.”

 

“Dan, I’m not just forgetting that. Someone _hurt_ you. Was it someone at that party last night– is that why you called me?”

 

“It was just some asshole. He was drunk– he won’t do it again.” Dan must sound as unconvincing as he feels because Phil scoffs and stands up, wobbling a little as he does so. Dan stands up too, because he’s shorter than Phil at the best of times and he doesn’t want to feel like any more of a hobbit.

 

“Have you told your parents yet? Do you have any more bruises?” Phil’s hand brushes over Dan’s cheekbone and despite being everything Dan wants in the world, Phil’s hands on him actually aren’t all that comforting. He feels too exposed under all these watchful eyes, and he’s flinching backwards before he can stop himself.

 

“Leave it, Phil!” Dan complains, swallowing hard. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

“It _does_ matter!”

 

“Why?” Dan scoffs.

 

“Because _you_ matter!” Phil cries, arms falling to his sides. The others have fallen silent, and Dan doesn’t even realise he’s crying until he feels the wetness on his own cheeks. This is even more mortifying than Louise thinking he had a hickey; at least that way he seemed somewhat cool.

 

“Uh, maybe we should–” PJ starts to say, but Dan cuts him off.

 

“I’ve got to go.” He says, voice all choked up and weak. He hates it, hates the way it makes him feel small and pathetic.

 

Ignoring Phil’s voice calling his name, he turns on his heel and leaves Phil’s house, shutting the front door behind him. It’s only when he’s safely inside his own room, hiding under his covers, that he lets himself break down.

 


	7. Chapter 7

Dan tries not to think about it at first. It seems easier that way, because after a sleepless night spent tossing and turning in his bed, refusing the urge to get up and sneak a look into Phil’s window opposite his, Dan doesn’t feel particularly refreshed. Thinking about the look in Phil’s eyes when he’d just run out like that makes Dan feel sick with guilt, so he just tries to push it from his mind completely.

 

Stellar plan. Works every time.

 

Except, not really, because a whole twelve hours later he still can’t stop thinking about it. He wants to call Phil, or message him or _something_ even if it’s just to apologise and smooth things over with. He doesn’t think they’ve gone this long without talking since they became friends, and it’s sort of throwing Dan for a loop.

 

It’s Sunday, which means that it’s one of the rare occasions his parents are both actually home at the same time. Dan has been sleeping on and off all day, because it turns out the only thing to fight off a guilty conscience is unconsciousness. This explains why, when he wakes up mid afternoon to Phil’s face gazing down at him, he’s decidedly unprepared.

 

He senses the bed shifting before anything else. Groaning sleepily, he just has enough wherewithal to keep the duvet tucked up around his chin before he’s blinking sleep out of his eyes and realising he’s not alone. Phil’s face comes into focus above him, features soft and expression fond. It takes a moment for Dan to realise he’s not dreaming, and when he does, he _screams_.

 

Unfortunately this just freaks Phil out and he ends up screeching as well, leaping off the edge of the bed and ending up on his ass on Dan’s bedroom floor.

 

“What the fuck?” Dan cries, hurrying into an upright position and covering his bare chest with the bedsheet. Phil scrambles to his feet, face red and clearly embarrassed.

 

“I’m so sorry!” He replies, before Dan can accuse him of being an actual stalker. “Your mum let me in! You weren’t answering your phone so I came round but then you were asleep and you looked so cute I didn’t wanna disturb you.”

 

Dan has to completely ignore the fact that Phil just called him cute, otherwise he’ll probably start sobbing on the spot. Instead he gapes at Phil.

 

“Consider me disturbed.” He says, deadpan.

 

“I just wanted to talk to you. You weren’t answering your phone.” He repeats, and he looks so genuinely crestfallen that Dan can’t even feel annoyed with him. The truth is Dan hasn’t even looked at the messages Phil left him. They’d been blowing up his phone until about four in the morning where Dan assumes Phil had gone to sleep. He’d kept the curtain firmly closed.

 

“What’s up?” Acting like nothing ever happened might not be the most foolproof plan, but acknowledging the elephant in the room is beyond Dan’s abilities right now.

 

“What’s… Dan, c’mon.” Phil says quietly, pleadingly. Dan is still in bed but he lets the bedsheet fall around his waist, exposing his chest briefly as he leans over the edge of the bed to grab a t-shirt off the floor. Phil sighs and plonks himself down on the edge of the bed, close enough for Dan to be able to feel his body heat. He picks the t-shirt up and hands it to him, avoiding his eyes.

 

“You’re still hurt.” He points out miserably. Dan realises his bruises must be on full display like this and he wastes no time in tugging the top over his head. Phil doesn’t look any happier.

 

“They don’t hurt.” He replies defensively.

 

“That’s not the point and you know it.” Phil turns to look at him with such a pained expression, and Dan’s hit with a long overdue realisation. This is _Phil_. This isn’t someone he needs to be uncomfortable or defensive around; it’s Phil, who laughs at his dumb, self deprecating jokes and comforts him whenever he’s upset. This is Phil, who’s made him feel safer than he’s ever felt before, who makes him genuinely feel like everything might be okay in the end. Why is Dan being a dick to him?

 

“I’m sorry.” Dan sighs, unsure of what else to say. “I didn’t mean to run out on you like that. I hope your friends weren’t offended.”

 

“They weren’t offended.” Phil reassures him, taking the proffered peace offering. “They felt guilty for bringing stuff up. And for, um, getting you drunk, I guess.”

 

Dan drops his gaze to Phil’s hand resting on the duvet, so close to his own. “They don’t need to feel guilty– they didn’t do anything wrong. It was me who freaked out when I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to…” he trails off. Even though he thinks he already knows the answer, the uneven thumping of his heart in his chest forces him to ask. “Are you mad at me?”

 

Phil’s eyebrows draw together and his mouth turns down at the corners, an expression Dan never wants to cause again.

 

“Dan, _no._ ” He insists. “Of course not. I could never be mad at you. I was _worried_ about you. I saw you had bruises and then you just left and you were drunk and you wouldn’t answer your phone and I– I was just worried.”

 

Phil’s body is half turned towards him now, angled in Dan’s direction even though Phil isn’t actually looking at him. The soft slope of his shoulder, the way his quiff droops a little, the honesty in his eyes all makes Dan feel stupid and reckless and in love. He reaches out and, after taking a deep breath, places a hand on Phil’s shoulder.

 

Phil’s eyes dart up to meet his at this, but he doesn’t pull away or sneer. Instead he seems to melt into the touch, the tension in his shoulders dissipating. Dan curls his fingers until his nails must be digging into Phil’ skin through the fabric of his shirt and tries to tug him closer, Phil moves easily.

 

“I’m sorry,” Dan murmurs, voice soft so as not to disturb the comfortable atmosphere that’s settled around them. Phil moves until they’re only inches apart, until Dan can feel the man’s breath warm against his neck.

 

“I’m sorry,” He repeats. It’s feels natural, really, when he leans forward ever so slightly and presses his lips to Phil’s cheek. His cheek rather than his lips, Dan thinks, because he’s neither that brave nor that self destructive yet. He prepares himself for Phil to jerk away and start muttering half assed excuses to save Dan’s dignity.

 

That doesn’t happen. Instead, Phil’s hand reaches up to cup Dan’s cheek and turns his head gently until they’re facing each other. Dan holds his breath and tries not to freak out when Phil’s eyes dart down to his lips and then back up again.

 

“Phil,” Dan starts, voice trembling. “Can I…”

 

Phil kisses him: it shuts Dan up effectively. It only lasts a few seconds and it’s mostly chaste– whilst Dan has no clue what he’s doing Phil obviously does, and there’s just a hint of moisture as Phil touches his mouth to Dan’s bottom lip. It’s quick and sweet and it makes Dan’s stomach feel like it’s somersaulting.

 

Phil pulls back after only a few seconds, but stays close enough for Dan to be able to see each individual fleck of colour in his eyes. They’re both silent for a moment, simply watching each other, before Phil blinks and shifts a little farther back on Dan’s bed.

 

“I’m– are you–” Phil starts, but Dan’s ever present need to overshare has him opening his mouth and blurting out the first thing that comes to mind.

 

“That was my first kiss.” He tells Phil, unnecessarily. Phil blinks, and then his smile goes soft, eyes crinkling at the corners.

 

“Shit,” he murmurs, not sounding too worried. He glances at Dan’s mouth again, lips parted and slightly damp with Phil’s saliva still, and seems to bite his own lip almost unconsciously. “I should have asked. Sorry.”

 

Dan can only shake his head breathlessly, a dopey smile spreading over his face. Phil reaches out again, brushing the backs of his fingers against Dan’s cheek tenderly and thumbing over his bottom lip.

 

“Was it okay?” Phil continues. His hair is falling over his forehead in cute little curls, his eyes are sparkling and he keeps glancing down at his lap like he’s nervous about what Dan - clueless, virginal Dan - will have to say about his kissing skills.

 

“So good,” Dan breathes. He’s aware how he must look right now, with his mussed up hair and hero worship in his eyes. He hasn’t even brushed his teeth yet, which, gross. But Phil is watching him right back and now he’s got his fingers tangled up in Dan’s too-long hair and shit, Dan will never forgive himself if he starts crying right now.

 

“You wanna maybe do it again?” Phil asks hopefully. The first thing that comes to Dan’s mind is _fuck_ yes, but he has to be practical here. He doesn’t want to ruin things with Phil before they’ve even properly started.

 

“I don’t–” Dan says, and swallows nervously. “I don’t know how to…”

 

“It’s okay,” Phil tells him softly, already sensing where he was going with that and sparing him the embarrassment of having to say it out loud. Phil’s fingers are still stroking his cheek; at this, they slide down to his mouth and catch at his bottom lip again, tugging on it slightly. Dan resists the urge to suck on Phil’s fingers. “It’s okay. You don’t have to know how.”

 

After a brief hesitation, Dan inclines his head in a slight nod. Phil leans forward again and Dan just has time to inhale before he’s being kissed, harder this time. With Phil’s hand cupping his cheek and tugging him closer it’s easier to just close his eyes and fall into it, let Phil guide him. It seems like a natural progression to part his lips and let Phil slide his tongue between them, let him lick into Dan’s mouth; Dan slips his own hand up Phil’s back to grip helplessly at his shoulder.

 

Before he even realises it’s happening he’s tipping backwards with Phil hovering over him, still kissing him. It’s better like this, easier for Dan to wind his fingers into Phil’s thick hair and open his mouth wider. Even though Dan is under the blanket and Phil is above it, he can still feel Phil’s body warm and solid above him.

 

Phil does something different with his tongue all of a sudden and Dan lets out a sound he didn’t even know he could make, a cross between a moan and a high pitched whine. Phil hitches his leg up so that he’s straddling Dan’ waist and, _fuck_ , Dan is getting hard, if Phil carries on he’s going to–

 

“Daniel!” His mother’s voice cuts through the silence of the room. “Are you up?”

 

Phil jerks backwards hurriedly, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. He looks gorgeous but Dan can’t really take the time to properly appreciate it; his heart beats an unsteady rhythm as the shock slowly abates.

 

“Yes!” He yells back, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. There’s no reply, so he figures she didn’t hear anything suspicious. Turns back to Phil, ready to apologise, but Phil just shakes his head and snickers.

 

“Shut up!” Dan exclaims, fighting back a smile himself. “That was scary, okay!”

 

“Uh huh,” Phil drawls, like he hadn’t leapt off Dan as soon as he’d heard her voice. Liar.

 

“You may wanna wait a while before you go downstairs.” Phil offers suddenly. “Your lips…”

 

Dan doesn’t need to look in a mirror. If they’re anything like Phil’s - red, sore looking, kiss bitten - he can imagine what he must look like.

 

“So, we’re okay then?” Phil asks, apparently not needing Dan to reply. “I mean… you and I. We’re okay?”

 

Dan snorts. “Well considering what we just did, Phillip, I’d say we’re okay.” He rolls his eyes, but he’s beaming. He can still feel a ghost sensation of Phil’s fingers brushing over his cheek. He feels light, weightless, _happy_.

 

“Brat,” Phil grins.

 

“Alright, senior citizen.” Dan teases.

 

“I should get going.” Phil sighs, pushing himself away from the bed and heading for the door. These last ten minutes feel surreal, and Dan’s almost inclined to believe he dreamed up the whole thing. “But I’ll be around tomorrow, after you finish school.”

 

Dan smiles at what is obviously an invitation.

 

“And Dan?” Phil fixes him with an innocent expression. “Answer your damn phone next time.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THE SLOW BURN IS OFFICIALLY OVER


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one’s kinda soft

Dan can’t help but be nervous when he arrives at Phil’s the next day. He’s come straight from school, walked all the way in the biting wind in only a t-shirt and jeans because he’d been too dedicated to the aesthetic when he was getting ready in the morning to wear a coat. He hopes Phil will appreciate the effort.

 

He can’t stop thinking about the kiss. He can’t stop thinking about Phil’s body: warm and solid and comforting above him, pressing him down into the mattress, licking inside his mouth. He can’t stop thinking about what might have happened if they hadn’t been interrupted, where Phil’s hands might have gone and god, he shouldn’t be thinking about this as he’s stood on Phil’s doorstep about to go have dinner with the man but–

 

“Dan!” Dan snaps back to reality in time to see Phil smiling widely at him. He’s dressed brightly as always, with odd socks and a pink t-shirt pulled down over plain tracksuits. There’s something wonderfully domestic about seeing Phil in just socks, something that reminds Dan of waking up in the same bed as him. It makes him feel safe in a way he can’t explain.

 

“Hey,” Dan offers Phil a small smile in return, heart racing. He steps into the house almost hesitantly, because even though he desperately wants to go further with Phil he can’t deny the fact that he’s still _nervous_. Not only is he a virgin but he’s also so painfully inexperienced that he barely even knows how to kiss properly. Phil had said that didn’t matter yesterday but… does he really want to be stuck teaching a random teenager how to do everything? Especially when he could get it so easily elsewhere.

 

“You’re shivering.” Phil points out, concerned. Before Dan really knows what’s happening Phil has closed the door and is rubbing his hands up and down Dan’s arms, rubbing warmth back into him. “Are you cold?”

 

“I’m fine,” Dan says instinctually. Phil just smiles at him fondly and shakes his head, leading Dan through the house even though he knows where he’s going. He doesn’t say anything in response but when he takes Dan through to the living room he snags an oversized hoodie off the back of the sofa and hands it to Dan. He takes it without complaint and slips it over his head.

 

“Better?” Phil teases. Dan bites his lip to stop himself from grinning dopily and buries his face in the material, inhaling conspicuously. Phil lets out a short laugh and the skin around his eyes crinkles. “You’re cute.”

 

“I’m cute,” Dan repeats, wrinkling his nose up. Phil steps closer and cups Dan’s face with both hands, whispering his reply against Dan’s lips.

 

“You’re cute.” Dan blinks, mesmerised by Phil’s face when it’s so close to his own. Part of him wants to lean in and kiss Phil, but a bigger part wants Phil to lean in and kiss him. Either way he wants to end up with Phil’s lips against his, but the process of getting there is harder than he’d like.

 

“C’mon,” Phil says suddenly, pulling back and tugging on the baggy sleeve of the hoodie to lead Dan into the kitchen. “We’re gonna make dinner, remember? What would you like?”

 

“Um,” Dan swallows back disappointment and hopes his voice isn’t too shaky. “What do you know how to make? I feel like that’s a much more important question.”

 

“I know how to make…” Dan hops up onto the kitchen table as Phil pretends to think. “Noodles? Pasta? Anything that involves carbs or draining water.”

 

“Strong start,” Dan says playfully. Phil presses closer until he has his hands covering Dan’s knees, urging his legs to spread a little wider so he can stand in between. Dan swallows and tries to keep his breathing steady.

 

“I have a shit ton of toppings to make pizza with.” He continues, voice low.

 

“Sexy,” Dan deadpans, even though he’s not entirely joking.

 

“Wait till you see what I can do with a chicken salad.”  They’re so close together; Phil has one hand on Dan’s hip and the other cupping the back of his neck. Dan can’t help but snort at Phil’s ridiculous sense of humour but that’s all he has time to do before he’s being kissed softly, Phil’s mouth moving against his.

 

It’s wetter than yesterday, hotter, because with Phil’s hand on the back of Dan’s neck it’s clear that he’s taking the lead. Whenever Dan gets too excited or enthusiastic Phil squeezes his neck, only applying the tiniest amount of pressure but enough for Dan to know to slow down and relax. The tip of Phil’s tongue traces over Dan’s bottom lip and every so often he’ll tease Dan, pulling back just enough to make Dan chase for it, making wet, needy sounds.

 

There’s something undeniably dirty as well about having Phil stand between his legs. Phil’s hand is rubbing up and down the outside of Dan’s thigh and it’s driving him crazy. Maybe it’s their proximity, maybe it’s how easy it would be for Phil to just lean in and grind against him, but Dan is so turned on he can barely think straight.

 

“You okay?” Phil asks suddenly, the words coming out as a hushed whisper. Dan can only nod desperately, whining as Phil takes this as a cue to move his mouth lower. Dan has never really seen the appeal of hickeys– having someone suck on his neck has never made much sense, but now, with Phil’s lips and teeth and tongue over his pulse, he’s beginning to rethink that. It’s warm and wet and it feels electric. His hand is flying up before he can stop himself, fingers winding through Phil’ hair and holding him in place against his neck.

 

“You’re so good, Dan.” Phil murmurs, almost absentmindedly, like he doesn’t realise how unbearably hot he is. “Knew you would be. Gonna let me show you what it’s like, huh?”

 

Dan’s chest heaves in a dry sob. He’s so fucking turned on he can barely answer, just nods and hopes that’s enough confirmation for Phil.

 

It is, apparently.

 

“Easy,” he breathes, petting Dan’s hair and curling a hand around Dan’s waist. “Why don’t we go into the living room, yeah? Get you more comfortable.”

 

Dan agrees, because at this point he’d agree to anything that came out of Phil’s mouth. He feels strange: floaty, somehow, disconnected from reality. It’s testimony to how secure Phil makes him feel, he thinks.

 

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to make it to the living room without his legs giving out on him, but Phil wraps an arm around his waist and guides him there until he can collapse on the sofa. He’s embarrassed, cheeks staining red, to think that Phil can see how turned on he is. His cock is hard and straining at his jeans and Phil has obviously noticed, but it’s a different kind of embarrassed. It makes him feel warm.

 

Phil lays him down carefully, propping his head up against the arm of the sofa. It’s a bit of a tight squeeze but he manages to get a knee on either side of Dan’s hips and straddle him, steadying himself with a hand on Dan’s chest. His fingers are splayed wide and every time he shifts experimentally his thumb brushes against Dan’s nipple through the fabric. It sends shivers down Dan’ spine every time and he has to hold his body rigid so as not to squirm.

 

“Fuck, Phil.” Dan pants, eyes squeezing tight shut for a second. When he blinks them open again it’s to see Phil watching him, smiling the beautiful, tender smile that always makes Dan feel like sobbing hysterically. It’s incredible really, he thinks to himself. He can’t remember every trusting someone as much as he trusts Phil - certainly not his parents, and it’s not like he’s ever had any close friends - and they’ve only known each other for a few months.

 

He wants so much. He just hopes Phil wants to give it.

 

Inexplicably, Dan feels tears gather in his eyes and threaten to spill over his cheeks. God, he didn’t want to be that loser that cries after sex, let alone during, but here he is.

 

“Got you,” Phil murmurs, stroking Dan’s cheeks with the backs of his fingers. It’s such a Phil thing to do, and Dan can only cling to him harder. “I’ve got you, Dan. Do you wanna stop? We can put a movie on if you want. No pressure, okay?”

 

Dan shakes his head, sniffling and trying to surreptitiously wipe his nose on the back of his hand. He’s not making a great sexual-debut impression.

 

“No, please. I wanna– with you, I _want_ to.” Dan is straight up whining at this point and Phil leans into his neck, snickering. Dan thumps his shoulder and laughs wetly. “Dick, don’t laugh at me! I don’t know what’s wrong with me, wow. As if I wasn’t hot enough already, right?”

 

Phil doesn’t laugh or shrug it off like Dan would. He fixes Dan with such an intense stare and slowly reaches out to wipe the tears from his face, under his eyes, clumping in his eyelashes.

 

“Nothing’s wrong with you.” He says seriously. “It’s normal. It’s just… hormones. You’re overwhelmed. Do you feel overwhelmed?” Dan digs his fingers into Phil’s side in response. He _is_ overwhelmed but Phil doesn’t have to know that. 

 

“You sure know a lot about this. You make out with a lot of virgins, hmm?” Phil’s fingers catch on Dan’s bottom lip again– Dan is beginning to think he has a bit of a fetish for that.

 

“Only the ones that threaten me with knives and then seduce me.” Phil responds playfully. Dan’s mouth falls open.

 

“This is slander!” He cries. He doesn’t let himself think about how Phil is probably doing this on purpose to distract him from his nerves. God, he’s in love. “ _You_ seduced _me_!”

 

“Oh, really?” Phil sits back up and smirks, running his fingers almost absentmindedly through Dan’s messy fringe. Dan’s heart somersault. “So you offering to help me unpack?”

 

“You buying me ice cream?” Dan counters, propping himself up on his elbows. Phil tangles a hand in the hair at the back of Dan’s head and presses a kiss against his lips, then another and another until they’re both giggling.

 

“You fell asleep in my bed.” Phil points out. Dan raises an eyebrow challengingly, safe in the knowledge that he’s about to ruin Phil’s whole argument.

 

“ _You_ got hard.” Phil inhales sharply. Honestly, Dan isn’t sure if he meant it to be a joke or if he was trying to kick start them into action again, but ultimately Phil makes the final decision when he smiles, slow and dirty.

 

“Yeah,” he mutters. “I did. I had you in my bed, how could I not?” Phil ducks down again and this time when he kisses Dan it’s slower, dirtier. Phil’s hands are on his waist and then sliding down his hip to his leg, squeezing the meat of his thigh, and it’s not like Dan has much experience with these things but he’d say Phil is definitely tongue fucking him right now.

 

He can’t help it; fuck it but he _is_ overwhelmed. All of his senses are on fire and he desperately wants Phil to slide his hand just a little higher up. He _moans_.

 

“God, Dan. Do you have any idea how gorgeous you are? So fucking pretty. First time I saw you I wanted you.” Dan is definitely blushing now, but he’s so hard and if he doesn’t get himself out of his jeans soon he’s going to end up making a mess of his pants.

 

“Phil,” Dan sobs, words caught in his throat. All he can say is, “Please. _Please_.”

 

“Is it okay if I touch you here?” Phil’s hand slips up a little further until his fingertips are brushing the hard line of Dan’s cock through his jeans. It’s barely anything, but no one has ever touched Dan there before apart from himself and even just that tiniest amount of pressure has him shuddering all over. He knows that as soon as Phil touches him, it’ll all be over pretty quickly.

 

“Yes,” he begs, nodding his head emphatically. He doesn’t have to say anything else; Phil’s hand cups him through his jeans and he grinds the heel of his palm into Dan’s cock. Dan lets out a little gut punched gasp and bites his bottom lip as Phil’s hands work at the button and zip of his trousers.

 

“God, I didn’t know if I’d ever get to do this.” Phil tells him hoarsely. His fingers skim over Dan through his boxers, brush over the wet spot at the tip of his cock; they curl around the shape of his dick and start to stroke, gently, because that’s all Dan can handle right now. He loves that Phil knows that instinctually.

 

“Good?” Phil checks with him.

 

“So good,” Dan pants, his heels digging into the sofa cushions. He can feel Phil, hard against his hip, and he wants to sit up and return the favour but he literally can’t think about anything other than the pressure on his cock. He imagines how Phil would feel in his hand, in his mouth, wonders if he could make Phil come as hard as he’s about to.

 

“Phil,” Dan warns him. “I’m gonna–”

 

Phil kisses the words from his lips, sucking on Dan’s tongue. He drags the fabric of Dan’s underwear over the slit in his cock and the roughness against Dan’s sensitive skin has him tilting his head back and whimpering as he comes.

 

Soon, Dan knows, the come in his boxers will start to feel gross. He guesses he has a few minutes to get Phil off before he feels the need to shower. He reaches between Phil’s legs as soon as the afterglow of his orgasm has worn off, clearly taking Phil by surprise. He inhales sharply and catches Dan’s wrist, holding him still.

 

Dan kind of likes Phil holding him still and steady.

 

“You wanna?” Phil asks, voice rough. Dan just swallows and nods. Phil is so gentle when he moves from Dan’s wrist to his hand, guiding it to his cock through his sweatpants.

 

Dan may be inexperienced, but he’s no beginner to jerking off and they’re mostly the same thing, right? He strokes Phil slowly through his clothes, Phil still hovering over him with a hand bracketing Dan’s head. They’re both breathing heavily but otherwise the room is mostly silent, which is why it comes as a surprise when Phil’s voice cuts through the quiet.

 

“Here,” He says gently, hand moving to cover Dan’s hand and curl his fingers just so, guiding him a little faster, a little tighter. “Try it like this.”

 

Dan’s cheeks flare up with a blush - because really, he can’t even get a handjob right - but Phil just laughs breathlessly and kisses the tip of his nose. It’s both insanely cute and mind numbingly hot, because Phil is falling apart above him; Dan is completely surrounded by Phil, physically and otherwise. Phil is all Dan can see, hear, smell, feel– body heat radiates off him and if Dan hadn’t already warmed up he’d be hot enough now.

 

“Fuck,” Phil groans, eyes fluttering closed. Dan’s heavy breathing hitches– Phil is so beautiful like this, unaware of anything else, grinding into Dan’s palm. Dan can tell when Phil comes before he even feels the dampness through Phil’s jeans against his palm, can sense it in the soft, stuttered breath he takes before, the way his eyebrows furrow just a little.

 

Phil rolls off him and, even though they’re both gross and sticky, he curls around Dan’ body, slinging an arm over his waist. It’s warm and comfy: romantic, for lack of a better word, in a way Dan had feared he may never experience. Dan can feel the faint trace a stubble against his cheek and he can’t help but nuzzle into it, letting out a satisfied sigh.

 

Afterwards, Phil finds him a spare pair of boxers to put on. Dan has to fight back the squeak of excitement that wearing Phil’s underwear causes, and he changes in the bathroom as Phil orders take out. Neither of them had been in the mood to cook and, as Phil had pointed out, they had plenty of chances to cook together.

 

Dan browses through Phil’s extensive DVD collection as they wait for the food, smiling when he feels Phil’s hands smooth over his shoulders. He rests his chin on Dan’s shoulder, one arm wrapping around his chest. It’s so fucking domestic that Dan is dizzy with it.

 

“This is impressive.” Dan murmurs, shivering when he feels Phil’s lips brush against his earlobe.

 

“Oh, really?” Phil asks, sounding smug. “I thought DVDs were pointless compared to the beauty of the Internet.”

 

Dan recognises his own words from just a few weeks ago and turns around in Phil’s arms to poke his tongue out at the man. “I mean,” he says, grinning. “They are pointless, and the Internet is a beautiful, terrifying thing. I’m just saying, you have an impressive collection of pointless things, you dork.”

 

Phil, with his arms draped over Dan’s shoulders, raises his eyebrows. “Terrifying? What on earth have you been doing on the Internet?”

 

God, of course Phil would focus on _that_ part of his sentence. Dan blushes as he imagines all the tabs open on his laptop right now. There’s the obligatory porn site open, of course, in addition to a few fanfictions and an embarrassing attempt at writing a school assignment. It’s a strange assortment of things, one that Dan has no intention of letting Phil see.

 

“Daniel Howell,” Phil gasps, gleeful. “What are you hiding?”

 

Thankfully, he’s saved from having to answer by a knock at the door, a sign of their food arriving. His blush remains until Phil gets back, but lucking Phil just suggests they put a film on and eat.

 

Half way through a Studio Ghibli movie they’ve both seen before, Phil wiggles his toes under Dan’s thigh on the sofa. “When do you have to go back?” He asks quietly.

 

Dan’s stomach sinks at the thought of returning to his own bedroom, tiny and alone, when he could be here with Phil.

 

“I wish I didn’t have to go back,” Dan murmurs glumly, looking down into his lap. He hears Phil sigh from the other end of the sofa and startled when he feels a hand cover his knee, fingers under his chin, tilting his face upwards.

 

“Me too,” Phil says gently. “But you can come back tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. Whenever you’re free, and I’m here, come over. Okay? I want you here, always.”

 

Dan isn’t familiar with the elation he feels, sitting there on Phil’s sofa, being kissed by him, held by him. All he knows is that it’s a wonderful feeling, and he never wants it to end.

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> split this one up into two because it was getting too long and I wanted to post something sooner, hope you enjoy! <3

Dan wouldn’t necessarily call what they’re doing ‘sneaking around’. Admittedly he hasn’t told his parents about what they’re doing, but they’ve only been doing it for a little under a month, and he doesn’t really tell them anything anyway. It’s not like he has any friends to tell and he’s not exactly about to post a Facebook status about it.

 

He isn’t sure if Phil has told anyone yet, but that’s mainly because they haven’t talked about it at all. It’s just sort of become a thing that they both accept without them having to put a label on it; Dan loves that, honestly, because it’s just so much less stress on them both. There are no awkward conversation, nothing for Dan to freak out about. Except…

 

Except he kind of wishes they would have those awkward conversations. He’s not ready to be an out and proud couple or anything, because the thought of walking through the street, holding hands with all those eyes on them, makes him cringe. Still, it would be nice if at least he knew what the hell they were doing. He’d love to call Phil his boyfriend, and what does it mean that Phil hasn’t talked about this at all?

 

As usual, Dan’s existential crisis is interrupted by his phone beeping. Phil has taken to texting him every night at around the same time, regardless of whether Dan has just come from his house or not. Dan slips his phone out of his pocket to stare at the notification that has his screen lighting up. 

 

Phil: _You coming round tomorrow?_

 

It’s so simple, Dan thinks, grinning to himself, but it makes him so unspeakably happy. Phil doesn’t even have to try hard to get Dan wrapped around his little finger because he’s already there, already hanging off Phil’s every word eagerly. He’s so in love, and he hopes it doesn’t show on his face as he replies.

 

Dan: _do you even have to ask?_

 

Dan slides out of bed to sit on the windowsill, pulling back the curtain to peek through the glass. Sure enough, Phil’s curtains are drawn and he’s sitting in his own bedroom; when he sees Dan appear his eyes light up, like he’s been waiting for him to show up.

 

Phil: _I miss youuuu_

 

Dan: _i literally just left your house you dork_

 

Through the window, Dan sees Phil pout. He snorts, breathes onto the glass and draws a sad face. Whilst nothing compares to spending time with Phil in the flesh, there’s a tiny part of Dan that wishes they could just do this forever: saying something online is much easier than saying it face to face.

 

Phil: _Yeah but I wish you didn’t have to leave at all :((_

 

A rush of warmth shoots through Dan’s body and his cheeks flush at the thought of spending the night at Phil’s. Technically he’s done it before, yes, but that was when he was drunk out of his mind and practically unconscious. There was no sexual subtext or potential for things to get carried away. Now Dan knows what it feels like to have Phil’s hand on him– he knows what it feels like to have Phil’s tongue in his mouth as he comes. There’s no way spending a night at Phil’s will ever be innocent again whilst that knowledge exists.

 

Dan: _philip lester it’s a school night!_

 

And then, to overcompensate for his nerves:

 

Dan: _i need to get some sleep at least_

 

Phil: _You make it sound like I’m planning to ravage your body as soon as you step through the door :D_

 

Dan really hopes Phil can’t see his blush through the distance between their houses. He bites his lip as he types out a response.

 

Dan: _well_

 

Dan: _maybe_

 

Dan: _i_ _wouldn’t mind that?_

 

He can’t help but cringe after he’s sent it– it’s a pathetic attempt at seduction, and an unnecessary one at that. He catches Phil’s eye through the windows about a millisecond after he’s hurled his phone onto the bottom of his bed and stops, wide eyed, as Phil tips his head back and laughs. He scowls, but he doesn’t think Phil is looking anymore.

 

Phil: _Yeah_?

 

Phil: _What else wouldn’t you mind doing?_

 

Dan’s face feels like it’s on fire. Is he sexting, is that what this is? God, Dan never even thought he’d get a relationship, let alone one that involves less than PG messages late at night. Not that he isn’t loving every second of it, of course; the problem is he is spectacularly awful at it. He has no idea what he’s _doing_.

 

Dan: ... _idk_ …

 

Phil: _How about I suggest a few things, and you see if you like the sound of them?_

 

Dan inhales shakily. His parents will be asleep by now and, as long as he’s quiet, he can probably get away with this without forever scarring his family. He clicks the ‘call’ button and watches as Phil looks up sharply next door, raising an eyebrow at him. He looks away hurriedly, too embarrassed for whatever reason to actually look at him when they’re about to have phone sex.

 

“Bold move.” Phil says, before Dan can even open his mouth. He hesitates for a second, and then they’re both laughing uncontrollably. Dan bites his tongue and hopes that his parents won’t hear him and think he’s lost his mind.

 

“Shut up, you can’t say stuff like that and not expect me to get…” Dan tries to defend himself, but it comes out whiny and desperate.

 

“Flustered?” Phil guesses, still smiling. Dan raises his middle finger at him through their windows. “Oh, I’m sorry. Am I ruining the mood?”

 

And, just like that, Dan almost swallows his tongue. How can Phil have this effect on him with just a few words? He would almost find it unfair that someone else has this effect on him, but he trusts Phil pretty much implicitly already. If he wanted to use his powers over Dan for evil, he would have done it already.

 

“Not necessarily.” Dan is actually proud of himself for managing to get through two words without stumbling and stuttering over them.

 

“I believe I was supposed to be suggesting things.” It isn’t a question. Dan swallows, mouth suddenly dry.

 

“Mhm,” is all Dan can manage. He can feel himself getting hard already, just from Phil’s voice and the knowledge of what he’s about to do. God, he hopes he doesn’t make this awkward.

 

“You know,” Phil starts. Dan is watching him avidly through the window, and he almost has a coughing fit when he sees Phil’s hand slide up his own thigh. He doesn’t need three guesses to figure out what he’s doing. “I really liked what we did the other day. Kinda want to do it again, y’know?”

 

“Yeah,” Dan breathes, mesmerised. He wishes he were with Phil right now so he could see what he’s doing, could see Phil stroking himself. He settles his hand over his own cock and presses down, hissing through his teeth. Phil inhales sharply on the other end.

 

“Kind of want to do it without clothes on, though.” Phil continues. “Been wanting to touch you for ages. Did you like it? When you came?”

 

“Yeah,” Dan whimpers, monosyllabic.

 

“It feels so much better when there’s nothing in the way, I promise.” Dan can’t fucking _breathe_. “When it’s just my hand on you, and nothing else– fuck, Dan, I’ll make it so good for you. Do you want that?”

 

“So much,” He whispers in reply. The assuredness in Phil’s voice - the assumption that there will definitely be another opportunity for him to get Dan off - has him unzipping his jeans and slipping his hand inside his boxers to wrap around his cock. He can tell Phil is doing the same thing.

 

“Or my mouth,” Phil says, seemingly out of nowhere, and Dan moans quiet and high pitched. It’s something he’s imagined of course, many times, but the thought of it becoming a reality is overwhelming. It makes his toes curl and has him curling up on the windowsill, phone almost slipping from his hand as he strokes himself faster.

 

“I can’t wait to get you in my mouth, Dan. You’re so fucking pretty when you come. You don’t even know how much better it feels with someone’s mouth– _shit_.” Dan’s lips part slightly around a silent whine as he comes, as he listens to Phil coming over the phone. He envies him briefly for living alone, for being able to make whatever noise he wants and sounding so fucking irresistible whilst he’s at it, when Dan has to bite his tongue so that his parents don’t hear. He wonders if Phil would find him more attractive if he was louder.

 

“Did you?” Phil asks suddenly, and that’s all it takes for Dan’s insecurities to momentarily vanish. Just those words, halting and nervous, have him grinning. It doesn’t matter that he can’t make noise now; he’ll be with Phil soon, and they can do literally whatever they want. The thought is incredible.

 

“Yeah,” Dan sighs happily, wiping his hand clean on a tissue. “Did you?”

 

“Yeah.” 

 

“Gross,” Dan wrinkles his nose up, giggling when he hears Phil’s spluttering laughter. He wishes he were there to trace the laughter lines on Phil’s face.

 

“Idiot.” Phil tells him fondly. “Go to sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

 

Of course he fucking will.

 

***

 

Funnily enough, the opportunity for the, to be together in public comes sooner than Dan expects. 

 

He’s at lunch a few days later, sitting alone in the canteen for once rather than the bathroom, when his phone starts vibrating in his pocket. His first thought is that his parents have had some sort of medical emergency and one of them is ringing him to let him know the other is tragically ill, but he dismisses that thought after a few seconds. They’d just call the school to tell him, he thinks.

 

He doesn’t really have any friends, so that only leaves Phil, and he honestly couldn’t be happier about that. It’s rare that Phil contacts him during school hours, mainly because he’s usually in lectures himself, but also because for some strange reason he values Dan’s education more than Dan does.

 

So it’s strange that Phil’s calling him. Either it’s a butt dial - which, knowing Phil, wouldn’t be unlikely - or he has news he couldn’t wait to share with Dan.

 

“Phil?” Dan answers quickly, looking around to make sure he’s properly alone before he speaks. Matt is over in the centre of the room surrounded by a dozen friends, and he’s he only one that ever really talks to Dan in the first place, so he decides he’s safe.

 

“Dan!” Phil sounds frazzled. It makes Dan smile automatically. “Okay, so, hear me out.”

 

“I’m instantly concerned.” Dan replies good naturedly. He knows Phil will be able to hear the smile in his voice.

 

“I didn’t kill anyone, no one has been kidnapped and we’re not breaking up.” Dan snorts at the unexpected list, and even though Phil isn’t here to see his blush he tries to ignore the butterfly flutter inside his chest at the words ‘breaking up’. Breaking up implies they’re together in the first place, and that’s an implication Dan will cling to like a lifeboat.

 

“Good to know...” Dan acknowledges carefully.

 

“I’m kind of doing a thing.”

 

“Phil,” Dan starts, packing his stuff up. He wants to take the conversation outside, where it’s less crowded and noisy. “You know I love our recent phone sex as much as you do, but school is a really unsexy place to jerk off.”

 

He hears Phil choke out a laugh on the other end of the line and beams, proud of himself for making the man laugh. 

 

“Brat,” Phil snickers. “I’m tempted to dirty talk you right now just to get my revenge. But,” he says, and Dan takes a sigh of relief. If Phil got Dan worked up right now he’d have no other option than to have a wank in the boys’ toilets, and he’s never forgive Phil for that.

 

“But?” He prompts.

 

“But I’m in the middle of something. You know how it’s Halloween coming up?” Dan makes a vague affirmative noise and he continues. “Well I kind of said I’d throw the annual Halloween party for my friends because I’m the only one with an actual house of my own and no pissy roommates to avoid.”

 

“Phil, that’s awesome!” Dan enthuses, utterly genuine. He’s never been to a Halloween party - never even been to a party he was actually invited to - so a spooky themed one sounds like fun. “When is it? I can come round and help you with decorations.”

 

“Well...” Phil starts. “It’s kind of tonight? God, today has been so hectic. I’ve bought enough alcohol to drown an army of mice.”

 

“Creative analogy, Phil.” Dan wrinkles his nose in laughter.

 

“Firstly, not an analogy.” Phil laughs, his full body laugh that Dan knows has his tongue between his teeth. “Secondly, this is me inviting you, you dork.”

 

Dan blinks, a warm feeling spreading across his chest. No one has officially invited him to anything before, but it means so much more coming from Phil of all people. He pressed his knuckles to his mouth to stop himself from doing something dumb like squealing into the phone.

 

“I mean, I’ll see what I have on. No promises though.”

 

Phil snorts. “Loser,” He says, and hangs up.

 

***

 

The party is in full swing when Dan arrives, having had to eat dinner with his parents as per tradition. He hadn’t even given them an excuse before he left to go to Phil’s, partially because he’s sure they won’t notice he’s gone and partially because he can’t be bothered to come up with something. He doesn’t plan on staying all night anyway, and as long as he’s up before his mother tomorrow morning they’ll never know he was gone. 

 

Phil has some typical Halloween party music blasting when Dan slips through the door. His house is packed despite him saying he wouldn’t invite many people, but Dan isn’t really surprised to see how popular Phil is. He’s surprised people aren’t clamouring to be his friend; he’s like a beacon of light compared to everyone else. Compared to Dan.

 

He sees Chris first - although it might be more accurate to say he hears him first, since his voice carries even over the blaring soundtrack - and he hurries over. If he can’t find Phil, Dan would at least rather spend the evening with people be vaguely knows, even if last time he saw them he made a fool of himself and then ran away. He winces, hoping Chris is already too drunk to remember that.

 

“Chris,” Dan says quietly, too quiet to be heard over the music. He ends up having to tug on Chris’ sleeve like a toddler and mouth words at him. “Hi.”

 

“Dan!” Chris cries happily, beer sloshing over the edge of his cup. “You made it! You didn’t dress up!”

 

Dan flushes, wondering if Phil had told them he was coming, had told them not to mention their last meeting. He smiles weakly and nods, giving an unenthusiastic, ‘yay.’

 

“Sorry,” he shrugs, noncommittal. “I didn’t have much time to get ready.” It’s better than explaining he had to sneak out without his parents noticing.

 

Chris himself is dressed in a long, sweeping cape with a tall collar and a set of fake vampire teeth. He’s sporting an impressive hickey on the side of his neck, but Dan is guessing that isn’t part of the outfit.

 

“Come on, come with me.” Completely unexpectedly, Chris grabs Dan’s hand in his and starts to pull him towards the kitchen. They end up elbowing a few people on the way and Dan has to shout a few guilty apologies over his shoulder. 

 

“Let’s get you a drink. What are you feeling– vodka? I think we have some liquor around here somewhere, or I could make you a shandy if you wanna take things slowly tonight?” Chris looks up at him, and yep, he’s definitely already drunk. He holds two bottles in either hand, his hair is messy and his eyes are wild. Dan swallows.

 

“Uh, thanks Chris, but I’m actually looking for Phil. Have you seen him?” Chris seems to deflate a little at the thought of not being able to mix Dan a drink, but he shrugs easily and leans over the counter.

 

“He was in the living room last I heard, talking to Sam.” There’s something about the way he says it, overly casual with a barely-there wince, that has Dan looking up sharply. He takes a second to mess with his fringe as he tries to figure out how to act casual. 

 

“Sam?” He doesn’t sound casual at all. Chris notices.

 

“Guy from uni.” Is all the explanation he gives. Dan’s stomach drops at the reminder of the part of Phil’s life he knows next to nothing about. It’s ridiculous and Dan knows it - he trusts Phil more than anyone, after all - but the man could have an entirely different boyfriend at uni and Dan would have no way of knowing. Dan’s never been that much of a jealous person, although that’s probably more because he never had anyone to get jealous over, but with Phil he thinks that might be changing.

 

“I’m gonna go find him.” Dan blurts out, realising he’s been quiet for too long. Chris quirks an eyebrow at him and he smiles again, obviously fake.

 

“Alright, man.” Chris downs his own drink and sets about making another. “If you change your mind about the vodka let me know. Also if you see PJ, tell him I’m looking for him?”

 

Dan nods and backs away, walking into a few people as he goes. He does kind of feel self conscious what with everyone dressed up, but his normal clothes are enough of a Halloween costume for him. 

 

He sees Phil as soon as he steps into the living room: he’s surrounded by a group of people, all with drinks in their hands and incredible costumes. There are a couple of werewolves, another vampire and in the middle of everyone there’s Phil and, Dan guesses, Sam.

 

The stranger is hardly dressed at all, let alone in costume: he has a bare chest with fake blood dripping from a drawn-on scar. His jeans have tears up and down the leg and his hair is messed up artfully. He’s painfully attractive, his costume is creative and Phil is laughing at whatever he’s saying like it’s the funniest joke in the world. 

 

But then Dan doesn’t have any time to think, because his eyes land on Phil and the man takes his breath away. Fucking hell, he’s so pretty that Dan actually wants to cry; the jealousy he had been feeling just moments earlier is pushed to the side to make way for the fondness he feels whenever he looks at Phil. He can’t believe a man that beautiful wants anything to do with him.

 

Phil has dark eyeliner smudged around his eyes, his hair is tousled with his quiff a little messier than usual, and he’s wearing tight black jeans with a white shirt that’s definitely missing a few buttons. It’s not a particularly themed Halloween outfit, but Dan has no complaints.

 

Suddenly Phil’s eyes are settling on Dan through the crowded room, and even he isn’t oblivious enough to miss the way the man lights up at the sight. He bounces up and down on the balls of his feet and beckons Dan over wildly. A dozen pairs of eyes swing in his direction and he cringes a little.

 

“Dan! There you are.” Phil is drunk, he realises, as he throws an arm round Dan’s shoulders and presses a wet kiss to the side of his face. Dan grins despite himself; weirdly enough he doesn’t feel uncomfortable that so many people are watching this. Maybe it’s knowing that they’re all older and more mature, maybe it’s knowing that they’re Phil’s friends, maybe it’s just being there with Phil, but he feels at home like this.

 

“Here I am,” Dan confirms, intertwining his fingers with Phil’s and trying not to glare at Sam while he does it. Then, just in case he didn’t get the memo what with Phil shouting it across the room, he sticks out a hand and says, “Hi, my name’s Dan.”

 

“I kinda figured.” Sam smiles, sounding not at all malicious. Of course he’d be a lovely person, Dan thinks, he’s one of Phil’s friends. Phil wouldn’t hang out with assholes. How can Dan hate him now? Ugh.

 

“I’m Sam. Nice to meet you, dude. We’ve all heard a lot about you.” Dan feels his cheeks warm up at that. It’s nice to know that Phil was talking about him, even if he was drunk when doing it.

 

“Oh God,” he jokes. “Have I already made a bad impression then?”

 

A few people around him titter so he doesn’t feel too shitty about the joke. Phil’s hand slides around to the back of his neck and squeezes infinitesimally, enough to have Dan inhaling sharply and thinking unsexy thoughts. 

 

“Only good things,” Phil whispers lowly into his ear. Dan half turns to hear him, and shivers when Phil’s lips brush the shell of his ear. “Promise.”

 

Apparently sensing a sudden need for privacy, the group around them seems to disperse, leaving only Dan and Phil alone together. Dan turns in Phil’ arms so they’re facing one another and stands on his tiptoes so their lips can brush.

 

“You seem happy.” He mumbles. Phil smiles, lips curving upwards against Dan’s cheek.

 

“Not too drunk,” he replies. “Don’t worry.”

 

Dan slides his arms around Phil’s neck, just to be closer to him. Trying to keep the jealousy out of his voice, he says, “So… Sam seems nice.”

 

“He’s in my lectures. Copies my notes sometimes. Fun guy.” Phil shrugs, hand moving from the back of Dan’s neck to play with the short hairs at the nape. It sends a shiver down his spine.

 

“You known him long?” Dan has to ask, has to know more. He had no idea this possessive side has been dormant inside him for so long. He’s going to scare Phill off if he carries on behaving like a stalker.

 

Phil pulls back a little and Dan’s heart starts to sink, but Phil just smirks and rubs playfully on Dan’s hair. “Is someone jealous?” He sing-songs, laughing when Dan scowls.

 

“I was just _asking_.” Dan rolls his eyes, digging his nails into Phil’s shoulders. Phil snickers and lets his forehead drop onto Dan’s shoulder, ignoring the hitch of Dan’s breath when he does so.

 

“A year and a half.” He mumbles. Dan makes a confused noise and Phil clarifies. “I’ve known Sam for a year and a half, and believe me, I’ve never wanted to do the things I want to do to you, to him.”

 

It takes Dan a bit to figure out, and when he does he feels his body get warm all over. He almost feels like he took that vodka from Chris: giddy and out of control. He’s terrified of a lot of things, insecure about a lot more, but with Phil it feels like he just doesn’t need to be.

 

Dan takes a deep breath and says, “Do you wanna go upstairs?”

  



	10. Chapter 10

Upstairs is fucking packed, and Dan almost regrets asking to come up here. There are people making out round every corner, the queue for the bathroom is five people long and Dan is infinitely relieved to find that Phil’s bedroom is empty. He leads them inside and shuts the door firmly behind them, Phil still wrapped around his back with his lips pressed to the back of Dan’s neck. It’s sending shivers down his spine.

 

He’s pretty sure he can feel Phil’s erection against his lower back, where Phil is slowly grinding his hips in a tight circle. God, if that isn’t a turn on. Obviously in coming upstairs at a party Dan has one thing on his mind, but it’s still shocking to him that he’s capable of turning someone as incredible as Phil on.

 

“Phil,” Dan gasps, turning in his arms so that they’re finally face to face. Then all the breath that Dan has been holding in erupts in giggles; Phil is grinning at him with the fake vampire teeth still in.

 

“Oh my god, you idiot, take those out.” Phil doesn’t make any move to do so, hands rubbing circles into Dan’s hips, so Dan reaches out to do it himself. He only manages to get the tip of his finger inside Phil’s mouth, however, before Phil nips at it playfully. Dan yelps.

 

“Hey! Stop it, you twat, you’re not an actual vampire.”

 

“No?” Phil raises an eyebrow challengingly, and then he’s walking Dan backwards until the backs of his knees hit the bed. They tumble backwards, with Dan flat on his back and Phil hovering over him, body warm and solid, a heavy weight above him. He’s distantly conscious of Phil taking the vampire teeth out on his own - thank God - before he feels Phil’s teeth scrape over a point on his throat.

 

He has no idea how long Phil is at it for; he can feel himself grow hard in his jeans, body squirming helplessly under Phil’s. Phil’s tongue is warm and wet against his skin, just over his pulse point, and every so often he’ll nip the skin there between his teeth. When he finally pulls away his lips are red and full, and Dan has no doubt he’ll have an impressive looking hickey blossoming there soon.

 

“Not a vampire, huh?” Phil smirks, self satisfied, and taps two fingers over that spot on Dan’s throat. “Explain that!”

 

Instead of replying, Dan shoves at Phil’s chest and manoeuvres them both until Phil is the one who’s flat on his back with Dan sat on him, knee either side of his body. Dan rests his hands flat on Phil’s chest for balance; it’s hard to ignore the fact that Dan’s ass is resting directly over Phil’s cock when Phil is so clearly hard, and it’s only made worse when Phil’s hands lift to stroke over his hips tenderly.

 

“You okay up there?” Phil asks, voice gentle. Dan flushes, lets his head drop forward so his hair falls over his face, and nods shakily.

 

“I want– I just want–” Dan can’t seem to get the words out.

 

“What do you want, Dan?” Phil asks, and his voice is so steady and calm that Dan can’t help but be jealous. How can he be so calm with all of this? How is he not freaking out about it?

 

“Just wanna make you come.” Dan whispers, face flushing with shame, like he has anything to be ashamed of. One of Phil’s hands comes up to his face and his fingers tilt Dan’s chin up, until he has no other choice but to look at Phil.

 

“Yeah?” He asks, eyes searching.

 

“Yeah.” Dan nods.

 

“Okay,” Phil speaks like Dan’s words were all he needed to spring into action. “Shift down a little, baby. Get between my legs, okay?”

 

Dan does as he’s told, trusting Phil to not do anything he wouldn’t like. It’s a heady feeling, nestled between Phil’s thighs and watching Phil watch him, tousled hair and dark eyes. Dan can feel his body heat radiating even through his clothes.

 

He watches helplessly at Phil tugs at the zipper of his jeans and shuffles his jeans down his legs until he’s laying in underwear and his shirt. 

 

“What do you wanna do, Dan?” Phil asks him, stroking a hand through his fringe and pushing it back. “Anything you want. This is all you.”

 

Dan can’t even say that Phil’s silence is offputting: Phil is watching him carefully, almost assessingly, and it isn’t anything other than really fucking hot. He leans his forehead against Phil’s bare thigh and absentmindedly presses a kiss into the soft skin there, just because he can. He understands shockingly suddenly what Phil means by ‘this is all you’. 

 

All of Phil’s body is on display, and he’s letting Dan do whatever he wants with it.

 

He starts out by pressing a shaking hand over Phil’s cock, hard and warm through his boxers. There’s a damp patch at the tip where he must be leaking, and Dan grinds the heel of his palm into it. Phil hisses through his teeth but doesn’t take his eyes off Dan.

 

“You’re doing good, Dan.” Phil tells him. Dan gets a little harder at the praise, a little more confident. He tugs at the waistband of Phil’s boxers until they’re far enough down for Dan to slip his hand up and wrap his fingers around Phil’s cock. He strokes him loosely, watching for a reaction.

 

Phil is quiet, propped up on one elbow to watch Dan. One hand is still resting on top of Dan’ head, more reassurance than guidance. Dan just… wants a reaction.

 

So he leans forward and, without taking too much time to think about it, takes the head of Phil’s cock into his mouth. Phil gasps and for the briefest moment his hand spasms so that he’s tugging at Dan’s hair. It’s not much, but it’s a start, and Dan wants more of it.

 

He gets into it, circling his tongue around the head and every so often dipping the tip of his tongue into the slit of Phil’s cock. It doesn’t taste bad, and every time he takes a Phil a little deeper his breath quickens, but otherwise Dan is completely frozen. It’s annoying, because he knows what to do really. He’s watched porn, and it’s not like it’s fucking rocket science, but it’s almost as if without Phil’s guidance he’s just lost.

 

“Phil,” he pulls off briefly and wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. “I don’t– what do I…”

 

“You want some help?” Phil asks breathlessly. Dan can only nod eagerly, hand still wrapped around the base of Phil’s erection. “Okay, I’ve got you. Got you, Dan, don’t worry. Open your mouth, sweetheart. Let me do the hard work, okay?”

 

Dan is so turned on that his brain is too addled to properly understand any of that. All he can do is nod hopelessly and do what Phil tells him to. Phil uses his hand in Dan’s hair to tug him down a little further and then uses the same hand to guide his cock into Dan’s mouth, the head just resting on Dan’s bottom lip.

 

“I won’t go too deep,” Phil pants as Dan sucks lightly, inquisitively. “I’ll go slow. Just relax, okay?”

 

Dan makes an affirmative noise, and then Phil’s hips are thrusting up in a slow, shallow movement. His cock fucks up into Dan’s mouth a little bit, so quickly that Dan could almost believe he imagined it, but then it happens again and again. Phil builds up a rhythm, fucking Dan’s mouth slow and shallow.

 

“God, Dan, you’re so beautiful. So beautiful like this. I fucking love your hair.” To prove his point he tugs on Dan’s hair, urging Dan to lean forward a little. The new angle has the tip of Phil’s dick pressing further down, almost in his throat.

 

“I’m gonna come,” Phil says suddenly, and Dan’s mind snaps back into focus. He realises with a jolt of surprise that he has no idea how long he’s been doing this for. He had completely zoned out, letting Phil use his mouth and guide his head however he wanted, Phil’s sharp breaths and needy whines the only noises he’d actually been conscious of.

 

Dan lets Phil slowly draw him up and off his dick, and instead continues jerking him off. It’s wet where it’s been in Dan’s mouth and that thought alone is enough to have him putting his all into the handjob, wanting to make this incredible for Phil.

 

Phil’s thighs are twitching, his hips jerking upwards every so often, and pretty soon he’s gasping, muscles tightening. His cock throbs and come spills out over Dan’s fingers; he keeps moving his hand until Phil is spent, twitching with overstimulation.

 

When it’s over, Dan sits back on his heels and looks at Phil, wide eyed. He sort of can’t believe they just did that– Phil looks gorgeous, lying there with his chest heaving and his eyes fluttering closed. He looks like an angel, and Dan can’t believe Phil chooses to be with him.

 

But then Phil sits up and cups Dan’s cheek and kisses him deeply; Dan half considers pulling away, because Phil must be tasting himself on Dan’s tongue and isn’t that gross? But there’s no way he’s turning down a kiss from Phil, so he slides his tongue against Phil’s and groans into his mouth.

 

“Here,” Phil is whispering, hands on his chest, pushing him down. “Let me take care of you. Let me get you off.”

 

Dan isn’t going to argue with that.

 

It’s sort of embarrassing how close Dan is already, just from having Phil in his mouth, but if there’s anyone he trusts to embarrass himself in front of, its Phil. They manage to get his jeans and boxers off through a stupid amount of wiggling and a lot of willpower, and then he’s half naked on Phil’s bed.

 

It’s not cold in Phil’s bedroom but Dan shivers anyway, fingers scrabbling at the sheets. Phil, with his hands resting on Dan’s hips, kisses his thigh. Dan startles under the attention and can’t hold back a gasp when Phil kisses a wet trail round to the inside of his thigh and then up his leg, until he’s so close to where Dan wants him to be.

 

“You’re so beautiful, Dan.” Phil whispers, hand sliding up Dan’s body and petting his tummy. “So gorgeous. Can’t believe I get to have this with you.”

 

Dan lets out a giddy laugh and says, “Shut up.” He can’t help thinking ‘that can’t be right,’ because Dan is the one who can’t believe he gets to have Phil. If either of them is special it’s most certainly Phil, with his incredible blue eyes and his never ending smile and his infectious happiness.

 

But then Phil his pinching his hip and smiling softly up at him, and Dan lets his head drop back onto the pillow. His whole body arches up when Phil takes the head of Dan’s cock into his mouth and his mouth falls open, a moan trapped in his throat. It’s incredible: warm and wet like nothing he’s ever felt before. His fingers find Phil’s hair instinctively as he holds on for dear life.

 

It feels like Phil’s hands are all over him, one sliding up and down over his chest, brushing his nipples each time, and the other rubbing comfortingly up and down Dan’s thigh. He’s only using his mouth on Dan, and something about that is incredibly hot.

 

As much as Dan wants to make this last forever, this is still very much his first time and he can feel the familiar heat travelling through his body.

 

“Phil,” he breathes, soft and desperate. Phil hums to acknowledge him but doesn’t pull off; he just sinks further down and sucks harder. It feels like he can’t get enough oxygen to his lungs.

 

“Fuck, oh my god, _Phil_.” Dan moans like it’s being ripped from him, and he has the feeling he might be crying. There’s a small part of him that’s embarrassed about being that guy who cries during sex, but if Phil has looked in a mirror and still thinks Dan is beautiful then maybe he’s delusional enough not to notice.

 

When he comes, Phil lays an arm across his hips to hold the, down as his body jerks. He can feel Phil’s tongue on him long after his orgasm is over, licking him clean until he’s twitchy and oversensitive, but he’s too exhausted to complain.

 

Phil crawls back up the bed and Dan is just conscious enough to realise he’s being spooned from behind, that Phil is dragging a duvet over their bodies to keep them warm. He thinks he hears Phil murmur, “Beautiful,” into his ear, but he’s falling asleep so quickly that it could just have been a figment of his imagination.

 

***

Dan wakes with a start, and a creeping sense of panic that he can’t quite place at first. It’s only when he glances over at the clock that he realises why his body is reacting like it is, heart pounding uncomfortably.

 

It’s just gone eleven in the morning, and Dan never went home last night. Whilst his parents are usually pretty lenient about this stuff, they will definitely have noticed that he spent the whole night elsewhere; and to make matters even worse, they both have shifts later tonight, meaning they will both be waiting for him when he inevitably has to go home.

 

“Shit,” he gasps, jolting upright in bed. Something in his chest twinges with regret that he hadn’t spent a moment appreciating the scene, because Phil is curled up next to him with his arm cushioned under Dan’s head and his hair splayed out on the pillow. He looks beautiful when he’s asleep, and now he just looked panicked.

 

“ _What?”_ Phil says, chest rising and falling heavily. He looks from side to side before his gaze settles on Dan, and his hand flies up to cup Dan’s cheek, rubbing his thumb tenderly under Dan’s eye. “What’s wrong, babe? Are you okay?”

 

Ignoring the way his heart soars at the pet name, Dan turns his cheek slightly to place a kiss on Phil’s palm before reluctantly pulling away.

 

“My parents are gonna kill me,” Dan explains seriously, legs shaky as he slips out of bed. “Or worse, figure out what I was doing.”

 

Phil groans and props himself up on his elbow. The bedsheets fall around his waist so that his bare chest is exposed and Dan has to swallow back the sharp, intense _want_ that shows up suddenly. Phil watches Dan as he picks up stray items of clothing, throwing them on whether they’re his or Phil’s.

 

“You didn’t tell them where you were?” He asks, curious but not judgemental. He never makes Dan feel like a little kid - at least not on purpose - even when it’s obvious that, sometimes, Dan still needs parental permission to go next door.

 

“College parties?” Dan raises an eyebrow, hopping around on one leg as he tries to pull his jeans on. “Underage drinking? Questionable morals? You’ve gotta be kidding.”

 

Phil snorts and flops back onto the bed, throwing an arm over his eyes. “If I weren’t so hungover,” he says. “I’d be way more into this conversation. Promise.”

 

Once he’s got his clothes on, Dan crawls onto the bed and presses a chaste kiss to Phil’s lips. “I know,” he murmurs fondly. “Text me later, I’ll see if I can come over and help you clean up.”

 

Phil makes an unintelligible noise and curls up into a ball, trying to drag the covers over his head. Dan is laughing as he leaves, picking his way oversleeping bodies and empty beer cups. The smile dies on his lips, however, when he gets home. 

 

Both of his parents are waiting for him. As soon as he opens the door they’re on him; his father pulls him in with a steely grip on his shoulder whilst his mother glares, arms crossed over her chest.

 

“Dan,” She says through gritted teeth. “Where the hell have you been?”

 

Dan winces. “I’m so sorry,” he hurries to apologise, hoping if he says it enough they’ll forget he hasn’t actually answered their question. “I didn’t mean to stay out all night, I just fell asleep and didn’t think you would actually–”

 

“You were out all night without so much as a note,” Dan’s father does raise his voice now, and Dan flinches back, biting his lip. “And you didn’t think we’d notice? Didn’t think we’d worry? Where the hell were you, Dan?”

 

Dan, who has never coped well under pressure, caves. “I fell asleep at Phil’s! He was having a Halloween party and he invited me and I really didn’t mean to stay the whole night but I was just tired and…” He trails off when he realises his parents aren’t glaring at him anymore. Instead they’re watching him carefully, with matching confused expressions. 

 

“You were at Phil’s?” His mother asks, exchanging a glance with his dad. At his awkward nod, she continues. “Why would you not just tell us that’s where you were going?”

 

Dan isn’t sure why exactly, but this line of questioning makes him feel uneasy. There’s something about the way she’s saying it, some undertone maybe, that has him on the defensive. 

 

“It was a party,” he shrugs, shuffling his feet. “I didn’t think you’d be cool with it.” It’s not like he’s been officially invited to many other parties, so he has nothing to go off. It’s not technically a lie.

 

But then his mum is sighing, and when he next looks up his dad has his hand on her shoulder. 

 

“Dan…” his dad starts, and Dan’s heart is in his throat. “Look, is there anything you wanna talk about? You’ve been spending a lot of time with Phil lately.”

 

Dan turns away and hunches his shoulders. “What do you mean?” He replies, passive aggressive.

 

“I know we don’t get to spend a lot of time together, as a family,” it’s Dan’s mum that’s speaking now. “But if you want to tell us anything then we’re here to listen, okay? Anything. We love you, Dan.”

 

It’s that last bit that has Dan’s walls crumbling. He hadn’t been planning on coming out to his parents for another year at least in case they reacted badly, but how can he not tell the, now, after all that? It sounds like they already know anyway, and he needs to get this off his chest.

 

“I’m gay,” he says.

 

It’s surprisingly easy, in the end, saying those two words. Once they’re out in the open he can never take them back, but he finds out that he doesn’t need to. His mother gathers him up into a hug straight away, kissing the top of his head, and he even feels his dad clap him on the back. 

 

All in all, it’s kind of fucking amazing.

 

“Wow,” he murmurs, pulling away from the hug and subtly wiping his eyes on the back of his hand. “This is so not how I expected this morning to go.”

 

His mum snorts and shakes her head, exasperated. “Don’t think you’re out of trouble. You’re in even more trouble now, actually; you snuck out and spent the night with an _older_ _boy_. I mean, am I right in assuming that– you and Phil, are you–?“

 

“Yeah,” Dan nods, once, shortly. “We are.”

 

“Well,” She looks at Dan’s dad and nods, a small smile playing at the corner of her lips. “I don’t want you sneaking out again, understand? Especially not overnight. And you’d better invite Phil over for dinner again sometime soon, officially this time.”

 

“Is this real life?” Dan jokes, voice still stuffy from maybe-crying. “Are you my actual parents?”

 

“Go do some damn homework or something.” His dad grins, shoving his shoulder gently. Dan takes the stairs two at a time; despite that going way better than he could have hoped for he still feels emotionally drained and a little over exposed from being so honest. What he really wants to do is crawl into his bed and sleep for a thousand years.

 

No, what he really wants to do is talk to Phil.

 

He sends Phil a message as soon as he’s shut his bedroom door, eager to share the news.

 

Dan: _so, plot twist_

Dan: _i was expecting my literal death_

Dan: _and instead_

Dan: _i came out to my parents and they were wonderfully supportive and ????_

Phil: _WTF ARE YOU SERIOUS?!_

Phil: _JUST NOW?? DAN!! THAT’S INCREDIBLE!!_

Dan: _IKR_

Dan: _came out of fucking nowhere tbh_

Dan: _i was planning on doing a gap year and coming out to them then so that if they reacted badly I could yeet away to uni y’know but like now I don’t even have to??_

Phil: _Please never say yeet away ever again_

Phil: _But you still should!_

Dan: _???_

Dan: _it’s a bit late now Phil…_

Phil: _Loser  -_-_

Phil: _I meant the gap year. I didn’t have any clue what I wanted to take at uni until my gap year was almost over. I think it would be good for you?_

Dan: _maybe idk_

 

Dan lays his phone down and swallows nervously, drawing his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on them. He doesn’t want to explain that the real reason he doesn’t want to take a gap year is that he’d have to leave Phil. He’d have to leave Phil, and then when he came back Phil would be finishing uni and Dan would be starting and that would be another three years gone, and he _knows_ it’s ridiculous to plan his future around someone he’s been with for a month but it just feels different with Phil. It doesn’t feel tenuous or temporary with Phil. It’s not just a fling or an experiment. Phil makes Dan feel safer than he’s ever felt before, and no matter how many times he says that it’ll never stop being the truth.

 

He picks up his phone again. God, he doesn’t want to think about the future right now. Right now, he just wants to enjoy what he has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a bunch of ideas for new fics... here’s hoping motivation lasts long enough for me to actually write them lol


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for going missing! <33

Dan looks at the message on his screen for a third time in thirty seconds. Each time he turns his phone off his mind swirls helplessly and his fingers itch to turn it on again, until he finally gives in and reads it again.

 

_Held up on campus but free to wait in my house. I’d give you your own key but I think you already have one! :p_

 

The words themselves are innocent enough, and Dan isn’t all that bothered about having to wait for Phil. The reference to their first meeting even makes him exhale through his nose in a weird, unattractive half laugh.

 

It’s just… the implication of those words. The implication that Phil would give Dan his own key if that situation actually applied. It makes their relationship suddenly feel a lot more present– a lot more grown up, for lack of a better word. 

 

Dan would fucking love to live with Phil, to be able to let himself in and out of the house like he actually belongs there for real. Seeing as the only time he ever spent the night with Phil ended in disaster - which was actually relatively un-disasterous - he can’t imagine what it would feel like to do so like it was his own place. _Their_ place.

 

He’s typed out about ten different replies already, and sent none of them. He can tell that if he tries to answer Phil’s message he’s either going to send a dumb pun, freak out or sound cold and distant. None of those options are ideal.

 

They’re going out tonight. Dan would have been perfectly content with staying in and spending the night on the sofa - or in Phil’s bed, to be honest - but Phil had insisted that he was taking Dan out on a date to see the fireworks. Dan will happily go along with that.

 

 _‘I’ll see you there!’_ He texts back, leg jittering up and down anxiously. He’s in the kitchen, his mother at the counter to his left and they key clutched in his hand. He can feel her shooting him looks over her shoulder.

 

“What?” He says eventually, when he can’t take the pointed silence anymore. “What is it?”

 

“Nothing,” she replies, in a tone of voice that lets him know it’s very much _not_ nothing. 

 

“Why are you staring at me?” He’s not trying to be rude, but having a conversation longer than two words with his mother outside of their family dinner time is irregular. He doesn’t really know how to act.

 

“I’m just…” Dan holds his breath and clenches his fist so hard that the sharp metal edge of the key digs into his skin painfully. If Phil were here, Dan thinks, he’d uncurl Dan’s fingers and kiss his palm. The thought makes war, unfurl in Dan’s chest and he exhales shakily.

 

“You seem nervous.” His mother tells him eventually. “What’s wrong? Did Phil cancel?”

 

“ _No.”_ He says too quickly, too defensively. His shoulders droop when his mother crosses her arms over his chest; he’s definitely not getting out of the conversation now, and, if he’s being honest, it would be nice to talk about it with someone unbiased. Relatively unbiased, at least. 

 

“I just… he’s not there right now.” He hedges, hoping he can explain this without sounding like a complete idiot. She frowns.

 

“Okay?”

 

“And he told me to go on over. He said to use the spare key and wait for him in his house.” He says everything in a rush, tripping over his own words in order to get them out sooner. His mum blinks and then her features relax into an expression of understanding.

 

“Ah,” She says, concerned. “Dan, honey, if you think things are moving too fast–”

 

“No!” He cries, not wanting her to get the wrong idea at all.

 

“I’m just saying! You’re young, nobody would blame you for–”

 

“No, mum, no. Seriously, it’s not that at all. I’m _glad._ Things are good with Phil, I promise.” He tells her, trying to sound as sincere as possible. It’s difficult considering he hardly ever talks to her, but he thinks she believes him. 

 

“So what’s the problem?”

 

He sighs. Really, there _is_ no problem. He’s got an awesome boyfriend who has pretty much said Dan can let himself into his house, pretty much gifted him a key. The fact that he technically already owned the key is beside the point.

 

But it’s more than just a key, Dan thinks, though he knows he’s probably overthinking things and freaking out about nothing. He knows he’s committed to Phil, probably more than he should be, but does this mean Phil is just as committed to him as well?

 

“I guess this means he really likes me, huh?” Is all Dan can say, accompanied by a watery, self deprecating laugh. His mother smiles softly, nodding, as she comes round to hug him from behind.

 

“Who wouldn’t?” She asks.

 

***

Dan does let himself into Phil’s house eventually, but when he does, he doesn’t have the courage to do anything other than sit on the sofa and panic. He’s chosen to go for a practical approach to their date tonight: they’re going to see the fireworks, and it’s a November evening in England. It’s going to be cold.

 

So Dan has very appropriately gone for a plain pair of jeans, a zip up hoodie with nothing underneath and a bobble hat. He didn’t take the hat off when he entered Phil’s house because he’d spent ages getting his fringe sorted out and he doesn’t want to mess it up, but if he’s still wearing it when Phil shows up he’ll either have to expose what a self absorbed loser he is or make it seem like he hasn’t been there long.

 

Then what if Phil wonders why he hasn’t been there long, and Dan has to explain why–

 

The sound of the front door clicking open and shut again breaks him out of his panicked state of mind, and he whirls round in his seat to see Phil wiping the soles of his shoes on the doormat.

 

“Dan?” He falls out, shrugging his coat off. “You here? I’m home!”

 

Something about his words has a warm feeling spreading through Dan’s chest; it’s so domestic and comfortable, and it reminds Dan of his earlier conflict except this time, in Phil’s presence, he doesn’t feel scared. He feels like he can do this, as long as he has Phil with him.

 

“In here!” Phil turns and cracks a smile at the sight of Dan peering over the back of the sofa. “You have a good day?”

 

“Ugh, stressful.” Phil pulls a face, swooping down to connect their lips. It still manages to take Dan’s breath away, every time he feels Phil’s lips moving against his own. “Better now I’m with you.”

 

It’s cheesy and gross, but it makes Dan smile so hard his cheeks hurt.

 

Phil refuses to tell Dan much about what he’s got planned for the evening, so Dan watches curiously as Phil bustles around the house. He makes himself a coffee first and drinks it in record time, even though it must burn his tongue. Then he makes Dan turn around and close his eyes - which he does with an indulgent smile - as he gathers various belongings.

 

“Jeez, what’s taking so long? Is this all an elaborate prank? Are you gonna leave me standing here all night?” Dan calls out, smiling despite himself.

 

Suddenly there’s a warm hand splayed wide against his hip and Phil’s warm breath blows against the crook of his neck. Dan squeaks in surprise and jerks away instinctively, opening his eyes on reflex. Phil is laughing and nipping playfully at the place where Dan’s shoulder meets his neck.

 

“Phil, oh my god what the _fuck_!” Dan squirms away, not acknowledging the fact that he’s beginning to get a little bit turned on.

 

“That’ll teach you to be impatient.” Phil cackles. Dan flicks his nose in retaliation, and Phil grabs for Dan’s hand as he leads them both out of the door.

 

Dan knows roughly where they’re going. The best place to see the fireworks is a park not so far from where Dan lives; he used to go with his family when he was really young, but he stopped going when hanging out with your parents stopped being cool and he never had any friends to go with.

 

He likes it better this way though, Dan thinks. His first proper time seeing the fireworks will be with Phil, on what is their first official date, and there’s something he really loves about that.

 

“So, my mum wants to have you over for dinner again. Officially, this time.” Dan says to fill the silence. She’d given Dan a curfew and strict instructions to invite Phil, both of which annoyed and terrified him in equal measure.

 

“And how does Daniel Howell feel about that?” Dan wrinkles his nose, trying not to show his amusement.

 

“Daniel Howell thinks that you are never seeing my parents ever again.” Dan crosses his arms decisively. Phil rolls his eyes but otherwise doesn’t argue. Either he’s taken Dan at face value or he knows he won’t have to do much to change Dan’s mind.

 

When they finally reach the park, there aren’t all that many places to park. It’s obviously popular and they’ve shown up at the last minute so they’ll be lucky to find a good spot, but after a few minutes of driving aimlessly around Phil manages to secure a parking spot.

 

“C’mon,” Phil hurries round to the other side of the car to hold the passenger door open for Dan. “Let’s go!”

 

“Such a gentleman.” Dan teases, taking Phil’s hand without a second thought of how it looks or who might see. 

 

Phil sticks his tongue out at Dan childishly and tugs his hat further down his face. Dan squawks indignantly, but he’s fizzing with giddy excitement on the inside. The tip of Phil’s nose is dusty pink and he’s huddled under a massive furry hood to keep warm.

 

Phil’s hand is warm in Dan’s, and he holds on tight as they push through the crowd of people.

 

“Can you see?” Phil asks when they finally stops moving. The crowd is massive and everyone is chattering, so Phil has to get really close for Dan to be able to hear him. Phil’s lips brush the shell of Dan’s ear, and his consequent shiver has nothing to do with the cold night air.

 

“It’s in the sky, Phil.” Dan replies snarkily, rolling his eyes. “I think I’ll be able to see.”

 

“Brat.” Phil says with a fond smile, pinching Dan’s hip.

 

“Jerk,” Dan counters.

 

“Fag,” someone coughs from behind them. Dan feels Phil stiffen next to him, fingers squeezing just a little harder than before. Dan doesn’t know how to react.

 

He recognises that voice, and he wishes he didn’t. This event is crazy busy so he’d been expecting to bump into some people he recognises, but he hadn’t wanted this to happen. He’d been hoping it would at least be some of his less aggressive classmates, the ones that ignored him instead of bullying him.

 

“Ignore it.” Phil leans in close to Dan’s ear, squeezing his fingers reassuringly. “The fireworks are about to start.”

 

They are, but Dan is too distracted to fully enjoy them. He feels like there are people watching him and no matter how much closer to Phil he gets he can’t relax the tense line of his shoulders.

 

“Hey,” Phil says, clearly noticing. “Focus on me. Don’t let some ignorant assholes ruin this.”

 

Dan looks at Phil, eyes wide and sincere. There’s an explosion of sound and light and colour above them and Dan sees it all, reflected in Phil’s eyes. He’s beautiful, and Dan wants… everything. He wants a future with Phil.

 

 _I love you_ , Dan wants to say. _You’re all I could ever want._

 

“Yeah,” Dan breathes, inaudible over the sound of the fireworks. “Okay.”

 

Phil leans down to kiss him and Dan stands on his tiptoes to meet him in the middle, and so what if he almost feels like crying? So what if half his classmates are ignorant assholes?

 

He has all he needs right in front of him.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! <3


End file.
